Page 2 (1/2)

Jim stopped He closed his eyes There was the soft beat of rain on the panes Otherwise the rooain

“I went on the longest worst bender I’d ever been on I just shut the door and drank I knew I’d killed that baby, but I was terrified that I ht the police are going to be here Anyto call Anyher like that The way I kicked her? It’s a wonder I didn’t And for days I just lay in that aparth booze to do this, and I don’t kno long it was before the booze started running out I wasn’t eating I wasn’t bathing, nothing Just drinking, drinking and crawling around that place onfor bottles to see if there was anything left in theure what happened”

“Mom and Dad”

“Right There ca on the door and it was Mom and Dad It had been ten days, it turned out, ten days, and it was my landlord who’d called them I was overdue with the rent And he orried He was a nice guy Well, the bastard probably saved my life”

“Thank God for that,” said Reuben He tried to picture all this, but he couldn’t All he saas his brother, looking collected and strong in his Ro out a story he could scarcely believe

“I told the,” Ji I was drunk, you understand, so it was easy—to slobber, to cry, to confess all I’d done Confessing things when you’re blind drunk is a cinch I felt so sorry forout of school I told Mom and Dad all of it, I just let it loose And when Mom heard how I’d beaten Lorraine, how I’d kicked her, kicked the life out of that child, well, you can iine the look on her face When she saw the bloodstains all over that carpet, on the floor, on the walls … And then Mom and Dad just put ht south to the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California, and I was there for ninety days”

“Jim, I’m so sorry”

“Reuben, I was lucky Lorraine could have put me behind bars for what I did to her As it turned out, she and Professor Maitland had gone back to England before Mo on my door Mom found out all that The professor’s mother in Cheltenham had suffered a severe stroke Lorraine had eht, it seemed Mom was able to verify that And the house in south Berkeley was up for sale Whether Lorraine had checked into a hospital herself after I beat her, well, we never could find out”

“I hear you, Ji me I understand”

“Reuben, I am nobody’s hero, nobody’s saint If it wasn’t for Mom and Dad, if they hadn’t taken h that, I don’t knohere I’d be now I don’t know if I’d be alive But look, listen to what I’ with Celeste for the sake of the baby That’s lesson number one Let her have that baby, Reuben, because you do not kno you ets rid of it because of so that you say! Reuben, there are times when it is so painful for me to even see children, to see little kids with their parents, I … I tell you, I don’t know if I could work in a regular Catholic parish, Reuben, with a school and kids I just don’t There’s a reason I’m deep in the Tenderloin There’s a reason ht”

“I understand Look, I’ize”

“Do it, please,” said Jim “And who knows, Reuben? Maybe somehow this child can keep you connected to us, to s that matter for all of us in life”

Reuben went at once to knock on Celeste’s door The house was quiet But he could see the light was on in her room