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Which was how I ended up in therapy twice a week and support group er than even I expected, but byto feel a littleLuca’s na up on my phone helped too, and slowly I started to learn more about myself

The an to regain my faith in myself It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t have to do it on my own As Shaw once told me, it was okay not to be okay I didn’t have to worry that everyone I cared about would fall apart if I wasn’t okay every minute of the day

Of all the lessons I had to learn about ure out Itthat those around me wouldn’t shatter if I needed a moment to just not be okay

While I was getting mentally healthy, life went on aroundmyself in a situation where I was unsure hoould handle seeing Luca face-to-face, I decided not to go to Aunt Emmie’s annual Christmas parties Instead, my parents took my brother and me to New York to spend it with Grandpa Cecil, rather than his co to California to visit with us

High school quickly was about to beco into the NFL draft I’d spent the last two years watching all of his games, but whenever he happened to do an interview afterward—like the one he had to do after Alabama won the National Chae the channel

He was predicted to go quickly in the draft, so none of us was surprised about But no one realized exactly how quickly he would go Tennessee wasted no ti him up for the third overall pick and the first defensive pick of the year

It wasn’t easy for me when I realized he ith one of the teams he’d alanted to play for because he knew I loved Tennessee Shaw’s parents owned a house just outside of Nashville Uncle Wroth and Uncle Z both lived there with their fareat memories of the place from my childhood

Luca kept his promise and hadn’t called or texted me once in the past few years, but part of hteenth birthday He didn’t, and I told myself I wasn’t disappointed Sure, it would have been the day we could have finally been together without anyone saying Luca was breaking so passed since I’d last heard his voice, I should have known he’d moved on

I went to Shaw’s Tennessee house with her and her parents and told Lyric not to tell his brother, part ofhe would let it slip and Luca would show up He never did, and I wondered if Lyric had kept it quiet or if Luca just didn’t care that I was so close I didn’t know, and I told myself I didn’t care

So, when I saw hiirl I’d never seen before, it shouldn’t have hurt as badly as it did My heart shouldn’t have broken all over again, and I shouldn’t have gotten so pissed I texted Lyric that if he saw soht his brother wouldn’t like about me on the internet to be sure and send it to Luca

I didn’tback down that self-destructive road I’d fought so hard to stay off of

Even though I’d et into London with Shaw for the weekend, though It didn’t keep uy who had always been at the back of my mind

It didn’t stopin love for the second time And even if I’d known that the heartache I would have to face soon after would be worse than anything Luca had ever caused ladly fallen for thelife to its fullest was truly like

Chapter 31

Violet