page205 (1/2)
“The probles without perverting them In my opinion, I think that is really at the bottoht us, Ayla As long as most people believed your Clan were only ani about it It’s harder to kill people The eer that the mind must invent new reasons But, if we can somehow link it to our own survival, the mind will make the devious twists and turns necessary to rationalize it We’re very good at that But it changes people They learn to hate Your wolf doesn’t need to hate what he kills It would be easier if we could kill without compunction, like your wolf does, but then, ouldn’t be human”
Ayla thought for a time about what Zelandoni said “Now I knohy you are First A Those Who Serve The Mother It is hard to kill I kno hard it is I re It was a porcupine I felt so bad, I didn’t hunt again for a long time, and then I had to find a reason I decided to kill only carnivores because they sometimes stole the meat from the hunters, and because they killed the same animals the Clan needed for food”
“That is truly the loss of innocence, Ayla, e understand ehunter’s kill is so ies in the physical body that make a person an adult The first hunt is thefear A man and a woman must show that they can survive, that they can do what must be done to live That is also the reason we have certain ceremonies to honor the spirits of the animals we kill It is one e show honor to Doni We need to reiven so that we may live If we don’t, huainst us
“We must always show appreciation for e take, we need to honor the spirits of the trees and grass and other foods that grow, too We ered if we ignore Her, and She can take back the life She has given us If we ever forget our Great Earth Mother, She will no long provide for us, and if the Great Mother should decide to turn Her back on Her children, ill no longer have a home”
“Zelandoni, you remind me of Creb in many ways He was kind and I loved hio to him I hope that doesn’t insult you It’s not meant to,” Ayla said
Zelandoni smiled “No, of course I’m not insulted I would like to have known him And, Ayla, I hope you know, you can always come to me’ ”
Ayla thought about her conversation with the First as she prepared to grind the red ore But when she began the hard work of crushing the luainst a flat, saucer-shaped stone, she tried to bury herself in the job to forget about the incident with Brukeval The exertion did help to wear off tension, but the repetitive physical activity left her iven her ht I think I have made an enemy of Brukeval But what can I do about it now? It’s done I don’t think there was ever anything I could have done about it He will think what he wants to think, no matter what I do or say
It didn’t occur to Ayla to lie and tell him that she didn’t really think he had the look of the Clan It wasn’t true She did think he was a randain, she talked about being attacked by animals, but the animals she referred to must have been the ones she called flatheads They must have found her, how else had she survived? But if they took her in, fed her, they would have expected her to work, like their oomen And any man of the Clan would then feel he could use her to relieve his needs If she objected, someone may have forced her, the same way Broud had forced her It was unthinkable for a woman of the Clan to resist She would have been put in her place
Ayla tried to iine hooman born a Zelandonii would respond in a situation like that To the Zelandonii, it was the Gift of Pleasure from the Great Earth Mother, and it was never supposed to be forced It was for sharing, but only when both the man and the worandmother would have considered it an attack Hoould it feel to be assaulted by soht of as an animal? To be forced to share the Gift of Pleasure with such a creature? Would it be enough to affect theordered around They were independent, as independent as the men
Ayla stopped grinding the red stone It had to be true that a randnant, and that hat started the Ufe growing inside her And Brukeval’s mother was born as a result She eak, Jondalar said Rydag eak, too Perhaps there is so about the
Her Durc was not weak, though, and Echozar was not weak Neither were the S’Armunai They were not weak, and many of the, like Rydag, and only the strong ones lived Could the S’Aro? They were not so upset about mixtures, perhaps because they were more used to them They seemed to be ordinary people, but they did have some Clan characteristics
Was that why Attaroa’s mate tried to do about the way ht about women passed down, like so he learned when he lived with theood about the S’Armunai Bodoa, the S’Armuna, had discovered how to take clay from a river and burn it into stone, and her acolyte was a fine carver And Echozar, he is really very special The Lanzadonii, just like the Zelandonii, think it was the ave him the look of both lands of people, but his mother had been attacked by one of the Others
Ayla began grinding stone again How ironic, she thought Brukeval hates the people who started the life that gave birth to hi inside a woman, I’m sure of it It needs both No wonder that Cave of S’Ar out when Attaroa was their leader She couldn’t force the spirits of women to blend to make life The only woht to visit their men
Ayla thought about the life growing inside her It would be Jondalar’s baby as lacier She hadn’t made her special tea, and she was sure that hat kept life fro Journey The last time she had bled was shortly before she and Jondalar started across the glacier She was glad she hadn’t been sick nant with Durc Children ere mixtures seemed to be harder on women, and on some of the babies This time she felt wonderful, irl or a boy? And ould Whinney have?
37