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I cannot, I cannot shame Creb or Iza They lovedcare of my son The Clan is my family When I had no one, the Clan took care of me, and now the Others don’t want me
And Jondalar is leaving I will have to live here alone, all ht as well be dead Broud cursed me; he has won after all How can I live without Jondalar?
Ayla cried until she had no tears left, only a desolate emptiness inside She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, and she noticed she still held the donii She turned it around,a piece of ivory into a sht, it resembled her even more The hair carved into braids, the eyes in shadow, the nose and shape of the cheek, reminded her of her own reflection in a pool of water
Why had Jondalar put her face on this symbol of the Earth Mother whom the Others revered? Was her spirit captured, linked with the one he called Doni? Creb had said her spirit was held with the Cave Lion’s by her amulet, and by Ursus, the Great Cave Bear, the Clan’s toteiven a piece of the spirit of each member of the Clan when she became a medicine woman, and they had not been taken back after her death curse
Clan and Others, totems and the Mother, all had some claim to that invisible part of her called spirit I think ht—I know I am
A cool wind urged her back up to the cave Moving the cold spitted roast out of the way, she built up a s not to disturb Jondalar, and started water heating for a tea to help her relax She couldn’t go to sleep yet She stared at the flaht about the many times she had stared at flaht danced along the wood, leaping for the taste of a new piece, then drawing back and leaping again, until they claimed it, and devoured it
“Doni! It’s you! It’s you!” Jondalar cried out in his sleep Ayla ju, obviously drea She wondered if she should wake hi startled
“Are you all right, Jondalar?” she asked
“Ayla? Ayla! Is it you?”
“Yes, it’s I”
His eyes closed again, and heincoherent He hadn’t been awake, she realized It had been part of his dream, but he was calmer She watched him until he relaxed, and then she went back to the fire She let the flaain, she removed her wrap and crawled in beside Jondalar and pulled the furs around her Thewarone—and froed She cried herself to sleep
Jondalar ran, panting to catch his breath, trying to reach the opening of the cave ahead He glanced up and saw the cave lion No, no! Thonolan! Thonolan! The cave lion was after him, crouched, then leaped Suddenly the Mother appeared, and, with a command, she turned the lion away
“Doni! It’s you! It’s you!”
The Mother turned around, and he saw Her face The face was the doni carved to resemble Ayla He called out to Her “Ayla? Ayla? Is it you?”
The carved face calow “Yes, it’s I”
The Ayla-donii grew and changed shape, becaiven away, the one that had been in his faenerations She was a until she was the size of abirth All the creatures of the sea flowed out of Her deep cavern in a gush of birth water, then all the insects and birds of the air flew out in a swarm Then the animals of the land—rabbits, deer, bison, h a ue forms of people
They drew near as the mists cleared, and suddenly he could see them They were flatheads! They saw him and ran away He called after them, and one woman turned around She had Ayla’s face He ran toward her, but the mists closed around her and enveloped him
He groped through a red fog and heard a distant roar, like a rushing waterfall It grew louder, bore down on hi froe mountainous Earth Mother with Ayla’s face
He pushed his way through the people, struggling to get to Her, and finally reached the great cavern, Her deep opening He entered Her, and hisHer war depths He was pu furiously, with unrestrained joy; then he saw Her face, aith tears Her body was shaking with sobs He wanted to comfort Her, to tell Her not to cry, but he could not speak He was pushed away
He was in thebeaded shirts He tried to fight his way back, but the great press of people carried hi carried by the Great Mother River with a bloody shirt clinging to it