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“Getting ether so I can move out”

“Why do you want to move out?”

“I don’t want to, but if you don’t want me here …”

“After tonight, how can you say I don’t want you? What does that have to do withyou?”

He ca platforh for you?”

“Not ht in her throat She closed her eyes, blinked a few times, and took a deep breath “Oh, Mother, Jondalar! Not h That’s just the proble I couldn’t live with that”

“I don’t understand I want to ood for you?”

“You really don’t understand, do you? Jondalar, you’ve given me more … more than any man If I were to mate you, I’d have so much, I’d have more than any other woman I know They’d be envious They would wish their ood as you They already know a touch from you can make a woman feel more alive, more … Jondalar, you are every woman’s desire”

“If I’m … all you say, on’t you mate me?”

“Because you don’t love me”

“Serenio … I do …”

“Yes, in your way, you loveto hurt ood to me But I’d always know Even if I convincedwith me, what I lacked, why you couldn’t love me”

Jondalar looked down “Serenio, people mate who don’t love each other like that” He looked at her earnestly “If they have other things, if they care about each other, they can have a good life together”

“Yes, soain sos, it may not be necessary to love each other But not you, Jondalar”

“Why not h to make her reconsider

“Because I would love you I couldn’t help it I would love you and die a little every day knowing you didn’t loveyou, Jondalar And every tiht, I would wither insidethat as ht want to, you didn’t love me back After a while, I’d dry up, be an empty shell, and find ways toyour wonderful, caring, generous self, because you’d knohy I had become like that But you’d hate yourself for it And everyone would wonder how you could stand such a carping, bitter old woman I won’t do that to you, Jondalar And I won’t do it to me”

He got up and paced to the entrance, then turned around and came back “Serenio, why can’t I love? Otherwith uish, she ached for him, loved him even more, and wished there were some way she could make him love her

“I don’t know, Jondalar Maybe you haven’t found the right woman Maybe the Mother has someone special for you She doesn’t make many like you You are really more than most women could bear If all your love were concentrated on one, it could overwhelifts Even if you did love me, I’m not sure I could live with it If you loved a woman as much as you love your brother, she would have to be very strong”

“I can’t fall in love, but if I could, no woh of dry irony and bitterness “Be wary of gifts frolow of the fire, filled with apprehension “What did you mean, ‘if I loved a woh to ‘bear’I need a … man?”

Serenio smiled, then chuckled “I don’t mean you love your brother like a woman You are not like Shamud, with the body of one and the inclinations of the other You would have known it by now and sought your calling and, like the Shamud, you would have found a love there No,” she said, and felt a flush of war about it, “you like a woman’s body too well But you love your brother more than you have ever loved any woht You’ll be leaving when he goes, and I won’t see you again”