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Broud’s constant nagging made an impression on the rest of the hunters, too Most were all but convinced Ayla had somehow blinded them with a smokescreen of deception and only Broud had seen her with clear eyes When Brun was not around, the youngthat he was too old to lead theer Brun’s loss of face was a devastating blow to his confidence; he could sense theaway, and he could not bear to face a Gathering of the clans under such circumstances

Ayla stayed in the cave, leaving only for water Bundled in furs, she arht and the forgotten store of deer hly concentrated nourish unnecessary It gave her tier drained by the de body, toughened by the years of strenuous physical exercise, was recuperating She didn’t need to sleep as hts weighed on her constantly At least when she was sleeping, she was free of anxiety

Ayla was sitting near theson in her ar out of the corner of hisfroave evidence that her milk had started to flow The afternoon sun, hidden occasionally by fast- clouds, warht She was looking at her son, watching his regular breathing interrupted by twitching eyesucking ain She looked at hi his head to see his profile

Uba said you don’t look so bad, Ayla thought; I don’t think you do either Just a little different That’s what Uba said, too You just look different, but not as different as me Ayla suddenly remembered the reflection of herself she had seen in the still pool Not as different as me!

Ayla exa to rees out like that, she thought, reaching up to touch her face And that bone under his es, and I haven’t Clan people have brow ridges If I’m different, why shouldn’t my baby be different? He should look like me, shouldn’t he? He does, a little, but he looks a little like Clan babies, too He looks like both I wasn’t born to the Clan, but my baby was, only he looks like ether

I don’t think you’re deformed at all, my son If you were born to me and born to the Clan, you should look like both If the spirits were ether, too? That’s the way you look, the way you should look But whose totem started you? No matter whose it was, it er totem than I have, except Creb Did the Cave Bear start you, my baby? I live at Creb’s hearth No, it couldn’t be Creb says Ursus never allows his spirit to be sed by a woman, Ursus always chooses Well, if it wasn’t Creb, who else have I been close to?

Ayla got a sudden i close to her No! She shook her head, rejecting the thought Not Broud He didn’t startof the future leader and the way he had forced her to submit to his desires I hate hilad he doesn’t bother me anymore I hope he never, never wants to relieve his needs with a stand it? How does any woman stand it? Why do an in the place babies come froans toto do with babies, she thought indignantly

The incongruity of the ht insinuated itself Or do they? Could ato do with babies? Only woirl and boy babies, she an in the place babies co it started? What if it’s not the spirit of a an that starts a baby? Wouldn’t that s to him, too? Maybe that’s why men have that need, because they want to start a baby Maybe that’s omen like it, too I’ve never seen a woans in woht I’d have a baby, , but I did anyway, and it started just about the ti his needs with me

No! It’s not true! That would ht with horror Creb is right He’s always right I sed a spirit that fought with my totem and defeated him, maybe more than one, h trying to keep him to herself You’re my baby, not Broud’s! It wasn’t even the spirit of Broud’s totean to cry She rocked hiently until he quieted

Maybe my totem kne much I wanted to have a baby and let himself be defeated But ould my totem let me have a baby when he kneould have to die? A baby that is partto look different; they’ll always say my babies are deforht I’ll never be able to keep one; they’ll all have to die What difference does itto die, my son

Ayla held her baby close, rocking hi while tears strea to do,day, Brun will curse o? I’h to hunt yet, and even if I were, ould I do with you? I couldn’t take you with ht cry and warn the animals away, but I couldn’t leave you alone Maybe I wouldn’t have to hunt, I can find food But we need other things, too—wraps and furs and cloaks and foot coverings

And where will I find a cave to live in? I can’t stay here, there’s too much snointer and it’s too close; they’d find ht not find a cave, and the et away and found a cave and stored enough food to last through next winter, and even ed to hunt a little, we’d still be alone You need more people than just me Who would you play with? Who would teach you to hunt? And what if so happened to me? Who would take care of you then? You’d be all alone, just as I was before Iza found me

I don’t want you to be alone; I don’t want to be alone, either I want to go ho I want to see Uba again, and Creb I want o ho to curse me I didn’t knoould make him lose face, I just didn’t want you to die Brun’s not so bad; he let me hunt What if I didn’t try to force hied him to let you live? If I went back now, he wouldn’t lose face; there’s still ti day Maybe then he wouldn’t be so angry

What if he is? What if he says no? What if they take you away from me? I wouldn’t want to live if they took you away now If you have to die, I want to die too If I go back and Brun says you have to die, I’ll beg hio back to the world of the spirits alone, oing right now and beg Brun to let me keep you What else can I do?

Ayla began throwing things into her collecting basket She wrapped the baby in the carrying cloak and both of them in her fur wrap and pushed aside the branches that hid the s glittering in the sun A sparkling gray rock lay at her feet She picked it up It wasn’t just one rock, but three sether She turned it over in her hand and watched the fool’s gold gli

tter As often as she had gone in and out of the small cave over the years, she had never seen the unusual stone before

Ayla clutched it in her hand and closed her eyes Can this be a sign? A sign from my totem?

“Great Cave Lion,” shen Let this be a sign that you have found n that my baby will live”

Her fingers shook as she untied the knots of the s she wore around her neck She added the oddly shaped glittering stone to the red-stained oval of astropod, and the lu with fear, and one desperate hope, Ayla started down to the cave of the clan

21

Uba ca wildly “Mother! Mother! Ayla’s back!”

Iza’s face drained “No! It can’t be Is the baby with her? Uba, did you go to see her? Did you tell her?”

“Yes, mother, I saw her I told her how irl motioned

Iza hurried to the entrance and saw Ayla walking slowly toward Brun She cru forward over her infant protectively

“She’s early, she ician hurriedly shuffling out of the cave

“She didn’t e, Brun She knows it’s early, she canaled

The leader eyed the old lanced down at the young wo-ur a little apprehensively