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I was h My heart purely throbbed with adoration of what he was doing, dredging up a ton of emotion within me This is not new or odd, because I've been in a constantly swirling pool of emotion since Hawke came back into my life

Forty-two days ago, I saw hi ca lost

Twenty-eight days ago I broke up with Todd My heart ached for that too, but it also thumped in acute awareness of Hawke and what it meant that he was back in my life

Twenty-five days ago, my dad had a seizure and Haas there to support ht then and there, while the other part remained reserved and cautious We still had too many secrets between us

Twenty-one days ago, he made love to me and I told him the truth of why I had cut him out of my life I watched him weep for a loss that was new and rahile I had had years to cope I received his understanding and forgiveness He let go of his hurt, and I decided to let go of mine At that time, my heart threw caution to the wind and became enslaved to hied to the onlyus that night, which is so about, and Haas rightshe was cool But it was also made clear to her that he had noto stay

"Let me stay," Hahispers in my ear as his hand moves from my hip to my belly

What? Huh?

His hand snakes under ers in such a way overfarther upward, his hand reaches for and cups ently His lips brush ht"

I shake my head in denial, because it would be just too weird hi here with , fine, he can stay But I knoke I knowWe'd be all over and up in each other, and that gets noisy We're a noisy couple Always have been I'd die if my dad heard that

"Co south He bypasses the waistband of ht in between ainst me

"Oh, God," I whisper out on a long exhale of breath

He chuckles, bites ain "Seeyou want me to stay You want this"

Oh, holy hell did I want it!

But rabbed his wrist, and halted his actions "I do want it, but not here My dad will hear us"

"We can be quiet," he cajoles, but keeps his hand still

"There's no e can be quiet," I tell hiets loud I can't help but scream when you make me come"

My words pour out quickly and with a near-panicked tinge at the thought ofto us I mean, realistically, I'm an adult and I can certainly have sex with Haithout an ounce of shame, but ejust no I can't do it with my dad in the apartment

"We can go to your house," I say as I'm struck with sudden brilliance, because I do want him badly

Hawke's hand pulls away fros, his ar "No It's getting late and we're not driving all the way to my house just to fuck, and then turn around and have you come back home"

"But--" I argue, because I really, really want him Hawke has to know that my reluctance is due solely to the proximity of my dad and not because I don't want it I'm pretty sure I'll alant it where he's concerned

"No buts," he says, and then squeezessex"

"No! No we can't," I argue, and that starts us both laughing softly so as not to wake up my father

For a moment, we lay like that

Spooning

Hugging

Laughing

And everything is perfect in my world