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Chapter 8

Vale

Everyone's having a good time

My dad is in his ele hockey war stories with some of the players He holds them captivated, a natural-born storyteller and an icon within his field The smile on his face says it all, and I realize that my dad has been way too secluded since weall the ti Hawke, he has to be utterly miserable and alone I vow to myself to find some way to spend more time with him

Hawke is sure as hell having a good tireeted Dad with a hand to his shoulder, which he squeezed affectionately He smiled at me and then turned to Todd

"Good to see you again, Tad"

"It's Todd," I said autorin

"RightsorryTodd," he says, without an ounce of apology in his voice

Then he led my dad off to introduce him around to the rest of the team I kept my eye on Dad, which meant I kept it also on Haho stayed by his side pretty much most of the time While Hawke sucked back beer after beer, he always kept a fresh nonalcoholic one in ht that eet of him to accommodate him that way

Most of the partygoers congregated on Hawke's back deck, so I found myself out there as well Todd is one of those people that can hold a conversation with any stranger, so he would often leave me alone to make rounds, where he happily introduced himself to anyone and everyone that he could

It feels a bit aard standing here by myself while I nurse my one and only beer A few of the players irlfriends and wives There are plenty of puck bunnies roa around, and I suspect that's par for the course at any Cold Fury party But for the most part, I'm left tothe center of attention--the life of the party--are well and truly over I learned in the hardest of ways the terrible things that can happen when you party to extremes and don't consider consequences

"Want another beer?" I hear fro toward me with a fresh bottle My inclination is to say no, but I only have one warrimace and accept the offer froainst each other

Ordinarily, if ere out together, Todd would have his arm around my waist, and I would lean into him for warht, which is completely my fault This "romantic" weekend that Todd envisioned hasn't happened so far and he's not been happy about it

The weekend started off good when I picked Todd up at the airport It was refreshing seeing hi with adoration as he opened his arms to me For a brief moht measure of peace

Then the weekend quickly started going to hell e got to the apartment and Haas there I really need to keep track ofsurprised by his presence at our hout when I saw hied there When he unfolded thatunbearably sexy in faded jeans and a ratty T-shirt, I felt so shift inside of s for Todd

It was a realization,that Hawke does to me that I believe no other man will ever do I can't name it I can't place it other than it resides deep withinmuch like an epiphany that Hans a piece of me that will never be touched by another nized it before with Todd, but in that singularup fro has been lacking inor short--that I'd been in for the past seven years

Todd's weekend continued to get worse because I insisted we stay at the apartested I told hi my dad alone, and while that is in fact true, it's also , because my dad can certainly stay alone by hi e finally crawled intoa T-shirt and pajama bottoms, tried to make a move on me

Don't getTodd and I have a nice and healthy sexual relationship Or we did when I lived back in Coluuess I was attracted to him, body and mind I'm absolutely certain of it

But when he kissed ue in my mouth, my instinct was to push away rather than to receive and reciprocate So I forcedI couldn't ed and told hiet out of sex

"I'," I whispered in the dark

And Todd did exactly as I suspected He was frustrated, no doubt, and that was evidenced by the deep sigh he let out, but he still pulled ainst my hair, "It's okay"

With a dash of bitterness and a whole lot of sadness, I realized Haould have never capitulated that easily He never cared if I was on my period and if he didn't care, I didn't care We had no walls between us, and if Haere lying in bed withme He would have fucked me like a chaht after to get us both cleaned up He ild, raw, and uninhibited Nothing would keep him away from what he wanted, and at that ti

So last night I lay there, in another ht about Hawke