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I disconnect the call and stare blankly out the windshield I'm practically on autopilot as I drive home

An unbidden, sarcastic snort bursts forth fro to myself

Home

What a fucking joke

My four-bedroom house on Marchand Street feels like a prison, the walls closing in onht I can't escape uilt ss hout the house, and every day, rather than rise above et sed in it a little deeper

If it wasn't for Benbeautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed Benthe spitting ie of Gina My little boy who see ht If it wasn't for him

No, I don't even want to think about where I'd be if it wasn't for Ben Let me just appreciate the fact that I have the most wonderful child in the world, and it's only because of hiain

I can't seem to feel outside the bounds of pure and unconditional love for my child, but it doesn't h to know that Ben will look to uidance on how to live this life without his et ood chance of fucking his head up

So I try the only way I kno, by seeking out the Candi Apples of this world, and start trying to dig down deep for so to interest me in this life outside of ht?

Taking a deep breath, I pull onto the outer belt line that circles around Raleigh, and let it out slowly Yeah, to my head from my ass I also know the first step is to do as Delaney says and choose Ben's nanny Delaney has been down here in Raleigh for the past week, interviewing prospects and checking out references She's narrowed it down to a choice of three, and while I really don't want to make this decision, I know that for the sake of ht for the job I trust Delaney implicitly, but I also know that I need to show some interestat least for her peace of mind She heads back to Manhattan the day after tomorrohere she works as a financial analyst, and I can't let her leave with undue worry over me and Ben

PissesGinahiring a new mommy for my boy Deep down, the rational side of me knows this isn't true While I've been able to handle Ben just fine on my own the last four months while I recovered frole parent to Ben when much of my career is spent on the road I would need soone, and it had to be someone trustworthy

Again, I trust Delaney and her choices, and I'll do htful consideration Then I willa neoure to my son Because that is what a nanny really is, at least that is how I see it right now

That thought causes pain to shoot through my chest, and while I know it's unfair, a little part ofGina's place in that respect

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