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straught I tried to ask hiht on details and heavy on the grumpiness He snapped at ot it I totally understood That night, after he ed inside me

"I'm really sorry I was an ass today I just wasn't ready to talk about it," he said before rolling offme into his arms

"It's okay I understood," I assured him

Garrett was silent for a h him "You should have seen Zack He's like a zombie He's there, but not really It's like his eyes are dead or so"

My stomach sort of curled in on itself from the horrified awe in Garrett's voice He was really shaken up over this, and although I try not to let hts wander in a certain direction, I couldn't help but think: Is that how Garrett would be if so happened to me?

Probably not to that extent, because Zack and Gina had years togetherthey had a child together We had only a few ether? What if I died after ere together several years? Is it fair toand selfish to keep him?

My own body shuddered with the possibility and my heart was uneasy

The rest of the ent by in a blur The Cold Fury played at home on Tuesday and I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat when the team skated out onto the ice, each with a black armband on to honor Gina The announcer asked for a ns everywhere that said things like WE LOVE YOU, ZACK and SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS and COLD FURY UNITED

Now, in most circumstances, the fact that this team lost a valuable player as well as a loved one froest of confidence But the opposite seeuys went out there and played like they were on fire Their body checks were harder, their passes crisper, and their execution near flawless They beat New York 7-1 in a coht, Garrett couldn't even work up a smile over the victory

Because Gina's funeral was scheduled for Friday, the teaainst Pittsburgh and added a ame onto the schedule a fewat Fleurish while Garrett had team practices and workouts He went to see Zack twice more, and twice more he was upset over how destroyed Zack seemed to be I assured Garrett that, in tiive up hope

Garrett stayed over at ht this week, and there see It was al to iood and alive He held er and hotter, he touched me all over, and when I didn't think I could bear any more, he'd start all over His words as he ent, als All of this was both pleasing and disconcerting tobecause I've felt more connected to him than ever before, and yet it alsoon the frailty of life Maybe Gina's life, maybe mine Probably both

Garrett opens the front door of Zack's house and we enter in a of friends and fa, the streets lined with fans who had come out to pay their respects Gina wished to be cre her ashes that I see now sits up on the mantel over the fireplace

We wind our way through the house, Garrett stopping every so often to introduce htly I see Gina's parents sitting in the living roo Benja a book and I have to wonder what a three-year-old really understands about all this Does he know his e understand death? Part of me says no, because I can barely comprehend it at times

The kitchen counters are laden with food Casseroles, sandwiches, desserts, and salads No one see food to these things I ht now?

Garrett spies Zack out on the back deck with several other teammates, so we head that way Zack has reht arm is in a soft cast and held in place by a shoulder harness It's the first time I've seen him since the accident, only the second time I've been around him, and I'm aardly at a loss for what to say

We walk up to the group, and for the first ti It's an aard one because , but I see the briefest of smiles flit across Zack's face before sadness filters back in place

Stepping forward, I reachHis good aroes around my waist

"I'ht words to say," I tell him, somewhat lamely

Pulling away, I'm rewarded with a faint s"

Thankfully, the guys all lapse back into hockey talk, going over the highlights of Tuesday's ga and listens, but doesn't make any comments

Looking around, I see Sutton and Alex standing down in the yard, talking to a couple I don't recognize Reaching out, I give Garrett's arm a quick squeeze then walk down the deck steps When I approach the group, Sutton gives"Hey, you"

"Hey," I say softly, and then Alex makes introductions

"Oliviathis is Mike and Kelly Malone Mike was on the second line with Zack last season but then got traded to Chicago"

As I shake Kelly and Mike's hands, Alex adds on, "This is Olivia Case She's Sutton's cousin, but ht Garrett to heel"

Sutton snorts, and Mike's and Kelly's jaws drop I glance at Alex and he's shooting rin