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He stares atheavy, before he nods once in understanding “Fuck,” he mutters “Okay”

We go outside on the back porch where it’s bright and quiet I set up the tripod with my phone and explain all he has to do is press play and then pause for each one “Do that for each video, and I’ll be able to show hi the second I’ll save them as separate files”

“Wait” He grabs ?”

“I think it would be best if you do it alone As if it’s just a conversation between you and him”

Ryan nods and I go inside A few minutes later, I peek outside to check on him and find him on the floor with his face in his hands I rush out, unsure what happened, and find hi

“Ryan,” I breathe, sinking down in front of him “What happened?”

“I can’t do it,” he chokes out, refusing to look at me

“I know it’s going to be hard, but it will be worth it when I can show—”

“Not that,” he lances up at me, his eyes red-ri quickly “I’ His doctor appoint to fucking knoho I am!” he booms

My heart cracks wide-open, but I take several breaths to stay cal forbirth to RJ—now it’sfor him “Do you knohy I asked you to wear your military uniform?”

He shakes his head as tears of pain run down his cheeks

“Because I want to make sure RJ knows that his daddy is a hero, and that’s what this outfit symbolizes”

“I would rather just be his dad,” he admits softly “And your husband”

He pulls me into his lap and nuzzles his face into my neck I don’t knohat to say tohim cry it out

Eventually, he calms down and lifts his face to look at me His cheeks are tear-stained and his eyes are swollen and puffy He’s no longer crying, but his chin is tre