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There is nothing in the world that will ever co in your ar It reminds me that I still have the capacity to love

But to be clear, I have the capacity, not the desire, because I’ or anyone past Gabe That’s never going to happen I did that once and when I did, I went in all the way I went into love hard and deep, surrendering to it completely

But never again… not for anyone other than my son

The sad thing is… I was built to love I was a fking natural at it Fiercely loyal, endlessly giving And that’s not cockiness or ego talking I was a fking fantastic husband I worked hard and provided a good lifestyle for Marissa I spent allher to exotic places I spent every night giving her pleasure, soive her ht and whiht some of them were silly to me, because I knew they weren’t silly to her

Yes, I was a fking fantastic husband in every way, except for one

I failed to realize that ive her

Freedom

I failed to realize that Marissa didn’t want to be married and didn’t want to be tied down She didn’t care if I was loyal, giving, or fked her like a rock star She didn’t want the commitment and only wanted to be free

I didn’t figure out any of this stuff until it was too late Until she was taking a little bit of freedo various men

Does that make me a bad husband because I failed to see it?

Fuck no She’s a lying, cheating bitch spawned straight from the fiery pits of hell who deceived me

So it doesn’t make me a bad husband It just makes me stupid

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And that will never happen to Matt Connover again There is no “fool me twice” scenario here

My ee as I think about Marissa, but then cal on top of me Today was fantastic Baseball, pizza, and now movies with my boy

We’re lying on the couch as we had been watching Finding Nemo, for about the one-thousandth ti butt” line, which always causes hile hysterically Butt is a funny, funny word to a seven-year-old boy for some reason

I know I should o He’s lying with his back up against the couch cushions and his head and torso across my chest That position provided him the best and most comfortable view of the TV

That position provided me with a close-up view of his cowlick and about one-third of the TV screen, but I didn’t care I wasn’t into the movie really

Just into holding Gabe

Closing my eyes, I push Marissa out of my mind and concentrate on the feel of ht and his breath is soft and gentle My hand rubs his lower back to soothe hiainst mine soothes me as well

No, nothing will ever compare to this… not in this lifetime

I’ uilt, I realize I had been drea of Mac while my son lay asleep on top of me

Leaning over slightly, I grab my phone and connect