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But when it finally does happen… when I pour into her with a groan of relief that it’s over with, I don’t feel much at all

And for the first time in my life, I’m painfully aware of just how much emotion is tied into sexual intimacy I’d already put up a wall around myself the moment Willow shot down my proposal I’m not sure if it makes me less of asexual experience ofto do with the fact I love this woman and she doesn’t love me back

“Godda backward off the couch I straighten, tuck my traitorous dick back into my pants, and pull my zipper up

Willow’s smile is mellow and satisfied But then she takesmy brow as I study her where she’s stretched out on my couch Naked froreat orgasm

“You need to leave,” I say

There’s a flash of deep hurt within her eyes as she puts the puzzle together My words, e, my expression

There’s a stab of pain in my chest when, for the first time ever, I see Willow’s eyes fill with tears Her lower lip trembles “Was it that bad?”

I don’t want to hurt her

Wait… fuck yes, I do She hurt ive it back

“That was hollow,” I say truthfully “I know you think we still have great sex between us, but apparently I don’t It’s not enough”

“Ouch,” she libly as she rolls off the couch Her face is red with embarrassment as she hastily pulls on her panties, then her jeans I watch helplessly,a dick, but s are vindicated that she now feels as badly as I do

I know I’ret this

I know I’ rashly

And yet… I wouldn’t stop this train wreck for anything in the world My wall is still firain It sucks to love and not be loved in return

Willow sits on the edge of the couch to pull on her boots The silence is oppressive, and I feel so displaced in my own home I can barely stand to look at her—not for what she’s done to me, but for what I just did to us both