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I was a pretty un sat out most of the second half of last season due to the plane crash Not because of h I came out relatively unscathed except for some deep lacerations Rather, I didn’t have much spirit of competition left within s

I wasn’t surprised they put me on the auction block for the expansion draft I was too eance They wanted ht… what the fuck? Why not? At least it provided me some respite from my demons

What I found when I ca as I was out on the ice, I was able to keep MJ and her death out of my head

Step foot off the ice and she occupied everything

I do my business in the bathrooer After I shuffle into the kitchen, I start a pot of coffee While it brews, I reach into the cabinet and pull out the only coffee eance one I picked up in the arena fan store when I firstcontainer I have in my apartment unless the empty water bottles in the recycle bin count

My phone lets me know it’s six forty-five, and I wonder if I’ll actuallyI have plenty of tie A twenty-five- suspended due to e—and probably a five-ranted an audience with Christian Rutherford

He’s the general ive him an answer today

The question?

Will I choose to continue playing with the team?

His offer for my continued employment as a player on the teaht and care He met with Coach Perron and the team’s owner, Dominik Carlson They discussed the benefit I could provide, and they weighed it against the terrible shadow I’d thrown over their entire program with my antics

They are not without coh it’s probably misplaced in a man like me

Regardless, they ot called in to talk to Christian His terotiable

First, I was going to be fined one-hundred-thousand dollars for driving drunk He wanted to send a e to the Phoenix coe that my type of behavior would not be tolerated and would never be condoned

Really, it was a punishned toso stupid again

The second require deal I was not allowed to drink alcohol anyle drop If evidence were presented that I had partaken, I would be released from the team with a forfeiture of my contract This didn’t bother ain as it was never really in with MJ didn’t drink at all, so neither did I

It wasn’t for any religious, spiritual, or health reasons Neither of us liked the way itafterwith the three-quarters of a fifth of Jack I had drunk, left ain

The third requirement to rief counseling The tero at least twice a week for the remainder of the season, and I was even provided a list of suitable places I could go I had to sign a full release so the counselor could coe, he could release me from the team with forfeiture of contract If I skipped one session, I’d be released If I didn’t , I would be released

It was all very rigid, narrowly defined, and alned to set me up for failure if I didn’t know any better

There’s a big part of‘fuck you’ The ter to have to confront my demons

It o Nobeside me in that plane, they’re the freshest memories I have of her I don’t know if I can do it