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It wasn’t for any religious, spiritual, or health reasons Neither of us just liked the way itafterwith the three quarters of a fifth of Jack I had drank, left ain

The third requirement to my continued erief counseling The tero at least twice a week for the remainder of the entire season, and I was even provided a list of suitable places I could go to I had to sign a full release so the counselor could coress back to Christian If at any ti, he could release me from the team with forfeiture of contract If I skipped one session, I’d be released If I didn’t , I would be released

It was all very rigid, narrowly defined, and alned to set me up for failure if I didn’t know any better

There’s a big part of‘fuck you’ The ter to have to confront my demons

It o, and nobeside me in that plane, they’re the freshest memories I have of her I don’t know if I can do it

I’ve done a lot of thinking I’ve prayed to the only God I know and one who I never called on ht answer, but there’s no clarity

There seeht answer for me, except…

Except if I hand a ‘fuck you’ to the team, my hockey career is over And for better or for worse, it’s the only thing in the world that gives me some small measure of happiness

Maybe happiness isn’t the right word, but it sure as hell gives me respite from the pain

And that has value to me

I glance atit’s now six fifty-one Still ti ever closer to the decision I’ll have to make—one that will have a profound impact on my future

No easy task

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