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I look up at him, a bite of mozzarella halfway to my mouth I lower my fork "What do you mean?"

"You told Caroline I'm fine when I'm not--"

"To protect her," I point out

He nods understandingly "Yes, I get it But it'sonfor fuck's sake, forto the outside world that ere a happy fa Ally My dad and JT All of that"

"Not telling the police what really happened with JT," I add softly

He ignores that "Covering up JT's death aside, because that ship's already sailed, I'm just tired of all of it, so when you sawsome of that shit"

"I can understand that," I say neutrally, because I don't really think he's telling me this to justify his actions with his mother

"I think I was disloyal to Caroline," he says quietly

And there it is I knew there was so this

"How?" I ask simply

"By still having a relationship withhis knife and fork down His eyes are so sad when they look at me "I should have cut them out then I should have chosen Caroline and Ally coht, and by not doing it, I was just as complicit in their rotten ways"

I don't even knohat to say to this, because sadly, I think he ht I never understood really why Beckethers each year But it wasn't for e and it still isn't

The one thing I do knoithout a doubt is that Caroline never looked upon Beck differently for choosing to give them a small sliver of his life

"When ere at lunch today," I say as I reach across the table and cover his hand with est tiht it on myself"

Beck nods and doesn't atte We've discussed this befores, while complicated and misplaced, had credence in the past

"Caroline had felt the sa I think a lot of rape victims probably feel a level of culpability"

He watchesdamn well that I have a point to all this

So Itirips with that, and do you knohat she said?"

Beck shakes his head

"She said it didn't take her all that long to get past that," I tell hi into his "She said you wouldn't let her That you were her rock and savior That you helped her find peace So I guarantee you she doesn't give a shit if you have a Christmas drink or a slice of birthday cake a few times a year at your parents' house"

He sighs long and loud, flips his hand over, and squeezes ht"

"Damn tootin' I am," I say with a smile, and then pull my hand away so I can eat

Only getting hungrier here

"I think we need to tell Caroline that JT is the one who raped her," Beck says quietly, but his tone doesn't diminish the force of the bomb he just threw at me

"What?" I ask, stunned beyond any further words

"She needs to know the truth It's going to hurt like hell, but it will give her closure She'll be able to stop the wondering who did it, and I know you understand that, Sela You're going to be left wondering about your other two attackers"

And fuck if he isn't right It's gnaws atwho co with JT

"Are you going to tell her that JT was her half brother?" I ask hesitantly, because that's the twist to the twisted story that Caroline will be forced to hear from us

He nods "Yeahand I know it's a loathsoed out by it I see Ally and how good and s of JT in her She's pure Caroline, and that is how I' to look at it"

And daot s of joy that I have so as this man

"I wish I had known you back whenwell, you know," I tell him with a sheepish smile "Caroline's such a lucky woman to have had you by her side"

"You got through it just fine without ot ht?"