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I sla so hard I'm afraid I'll stroke out, I force myself to calmly ease off the brakes and coast slowly out of the driveway I turn back and head the sa constantly toaway

Will they recognize my car?

I'm too far away for anyone to see my license plate, but probably not too far to identify the car's color, make, and model If just one cop happens to see me, notes my maneuver, and thinks it's suspicious in any way, they'll match the car up to me

Then I'm fuckedbecause there's no sane reason I should be out for a drive on my partner's street, see police cars, and turn around An innocent partner would speed up to the scene of the cri on

But I don't do that I continue to drive away, terrified a cruiser will start afterit away safe and hopefully without notice

I head back to The Millenniuet ready to face the shitstor

"I made you some tea," Caroline says from the doorway of ainst the pillows and headboard I'd been lying here staring at the ceiling as the sky darkened, waiting for Beck to get back Caroline hasn't said much to me since he left, and I watched her with a weird detachment as she cleaned out the shower and poured almost a full bottle of bleach down the drain I think neither of us said anything because it see of murder evidence

Caroline ashing a part of my sins away

Beck was currently off wiping up the rest of them

It was self-defense, I remind myself

Murder, uilty conscience says back

My fingers involuntarily rub against the splotches of purple that rest at the base ofdown on ht pain that occurs as I do so

I do this to rethat letter opener I hadn't planned it, but perhaps by the grace of God I found the strength to protect myself

A repulsive half snicker, half sob explodes from my mouth and I immediately slap h bubbles up and tries to push its way out So ironic that I killed hi that exact implement when I visited his office to o

Caroline walks into the room, rounds the bed, and comes to my side, which sits closest to the all She looks at ment for JT'shard not to laugh She se

"What's so funny?" she asks carefully as she sets down the cup of tea on the night table beside e of the bed near my hip

I reach over for the tea, using the sis I pick up the cup, bring it to my mouth, and blow on it before I take a tentative sip It's hot and I don't even ue and roof of my mouth, which also helps to distract me

Peeking over the edge of the cup at Caroline, I say, "I once visited JT's office He wasn't there but I looked inside and envisioned killing him in there with his own letter opener It was a pipe dream then It's just funny to me that little fantasy of mine came true"

Caroline s with a little inappropriate laughter Or those types of fantasies"

I smile back at her as best I can, but it's thin and without any genuine force behind it She sees that She knows it

"It was more than fantasy," I tell her with brutal honesty Caroline just helped clean up evidence of my crime so she needs to know the full truth of what I did That inal intention was not a silly dream but an actual plan to kill the man who destroyed my innocence

Tears well up inanother sip of my tea to ward them off

It was self-defense, I tell myself

Murder, my subconscious sneers at me

Caroline turns slightly froet myself under control and stares out the hich overlooks the Financial District She looks just like Beck Same eyes, nose, and perfectly shaped smile

Same moral character