page7 (1/2)

"No," I wheeze out, the air burning my chest as it's expelled

Her chin goes higher "Then JT was on me while someone else held me down I remember panties stuffed in my mouth so I couldn't screath to I just laid thereand took it"

I hunch over, hands tomyself not to scream or throw up

"I only have flashessnippets of scenes He pulled out of me, removed the panties, and came in my mouth Put his hand over my nose and mouth and made me s it That is one of the clearer memories"

I lurch upward, the roo dark for a moment until I become focused on the front door to the condo I bolt toward it, snarling, "I' to beat him to a bloody pulp"

Sela flies off the couch and steps infirth and resistance in her eyes, and my hands clap to her wrists Not in an effort to push her away, but with burning need to pull her into me My arms wrap around her upper back and I hunch my shoulders so I come protectively around her

"I' and tears stinging my eyes

"No, you're not," she says softly, her own handsin She rubs slow circles, willinginto JT's face, until his nose breaks, then smashes, then becomes obliterated until he starts to drown in his own blood I'oing to let up until his lungs suffocate with blood

"Cal harder at my back "You need to hear it all"

"I can't," I croak out, sniffing in deeply and blinking my eyes to clear the wetness

Sela leans back, far enough so she can look up at et it all out, Beck You haven't heard the worst"

"I can't," I implore her Because it will only fueleven more heinous to rain down on JT's head

"Please"

"Sela"

"Please, Beck," she says, then wraps a delicate hand around s don't move for a moment, so she pulls on me harder I follow nuht onto my lap to straddleto my shoulders as she looks down at me

"Soot home JT put me in a cab, paid the driver, I suppose I was out of it, not really sure what happened to mejust those flashes that I described to you I was starting to feel pain; I had bruises starting to fored, I had this sort of deep understanding that I had caused this to happen"

My body tightens but she continues, not letting ain

"I got a utility knife out of the kitchen drawer Went into the bathroom I hatedstupid enough to even go with strangers to that party, for flirting and pretending to be a big girl--that I cut down into my left wrist"

I suck in a startled breath before grabbing on to her wrist, twisting it so I could see I had seen it before, I realized My thu scar that cuts at an inward angle It's thin and red with a slightly raised and bue, but it's so small I never would have connected it with a desire to end one's life

"I didn't try hard enough," she whispers, and I raise my eyes to hers "I pressed down, and the retted it There was a lot of blood, but it wasn't a large cut and I didn't hit a vein I was still high as a kite and I fell to the floor, I thinkIt woke my parents and they found me quickly Called an ambulance"

"Christ," Iback down at the scar

She's silent, givingshe's toldrape, the loss of her innocence, and a brief, desperate ht to end the pain forever But the strength she must have had, to pull herself back from the brink before she could do irrevocable harm

"No one realized I was raped until the doctor exa out I had tried to killa clue about what really happened They obviously tended to the wrist first, but once they realized what had happened to me, they used a rape kit The police came and I was interviewed for what seemed like forever They found Rohypnol in my system, which is why I don't remember much"