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The next email I read represents the start of my journey back to salvation It took me less than twenty-four hours to decide to pack my shit and hit the road after I kicked Eer to realize I needed help and I reached out to Dr Antoniak

Date: November 11, 2012 6:21 am

To: M Antoniak [[email protected]]

From: Nix Caldwell [[email protected]]

Re: Help

Dear Dr Antoniak:

I think I may have screwed my life up pretty royally and I really need to talk to you Unfortunately, I'm in California so I obviously can't come and see you Can we do a phone session?

Just as a head's up, I was in a situation where s to Eivable I'm not sure what to do but I would like to try to fix this Any help is really appreciated

Sincerely,

Nix Caldwell

I'm lucky that Dr Antoniak responded to me almost immediately We set up to have an hour session via phone for the following day I spentdetail what transpired in my bedroom when Emily found my Navy Cross It still ca frouilt over what transpired with Paul, and until I confronted that, Dr Antoniak pretty much said I was fucked

She didn't say it in quite those terot out of it

I spent the next week talking things through with Dr Antoniak over a course of three phone sessions She would send ement

I read one such email now

Date: November 16, 2012 4:02 pm

To: Nix Caldwell [[email protected]]

From: M Antoniak [[email protected]]

Re: You Can Do It

Dear Nix:

Just a quick note to tell you that I think we had a very good phone session today You know the answers to all of your proble You are onlythe fortitude to push past your fears and confront your guilt head on

You s with him Remember, it doesn't matter what he says It doesn't et these feelings off of your chest so that they stop weighing you down I personally trust that Paul is going to give you exactly what you need to heal

Last piece of advice You need to let Emily in sooner, rather than later You need to trust in her too Now get off your ass and go get it done I have faith in you

Dr Antoniak

This last email has the desired effect and I believe I'm ready for what needs to be done I open a new e

Date: November 18, 2012 10:48 pm

To: M Antoniak [[email protected]]

From: Nix Caldwell [[email protected]]

Re: Here I Go

Dear Dr Antoniak:

I' I plan to see her then I'll head down to see Paul

I'll let you kno it turns out

Sincerely,

Nix

I hit "Send" and then shut my laptop down I sit back on the bed and finishto Emily as they normally do

I miss her so much

I cannot believe how s up with her I wasn't even sure that we had anything to fuck up But once I pushed her out of my life, it was painfully obvious how ht I was only half of a person before Ibut a wasted, dried out husk after she was gone