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Saul sits in the chair beside h that we could fall back into our irrepressible lust if anted to

But what if Fiona wakes up?

This is such a mess

We sit in silence for a tiht this far away fro down

“Why weren’t you married to Fiona’s h to sip

I can sense the tension running through hiht down the middle I can’t help but think of his words, his clai like a birthing star, ready to blaze for countless eons

I want it

Even if I know I shouldn’t

“Because if it wasn’t for Fiona, being with her would’ve been a rowls “We never loved each other Fiona was an accident—not a mistake, a beautiful accident And after that, I tried to do the right thing I tried to make it work But she was a wild spirit …”

“You make her sound so adventurous,” I murmur, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice

He reaches across and takesthe racetrack closeness I shiver and suddenly the porch is twice as war every inch of me

“No,” he says “Not like that Wild in the sense that she drank too much, partied too much She wasn’t interested in do a family The day she left to join that hippy commune, whatever the fuck you want to call it—the day she left, and it’s shameful of me to say this …”

“What, Saul?” I urge

He sighs and looks ht in the eye with such intensity “The day she left was one of the happiest of my life,” he whispers “Because it meant I didn’t have to pretend anyht be a woman out there who could make me feel what you h But now, I do Now I know I haven’t been with a woman since Sadie’s mother”

“What?” I gasp, the shock like a punch to the gut “Seriously? But didn’t you guys break up when Fiona was like three?”

“Yes,” he says, looking at me steadily