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“That’s right Blaht, Nick the Tick,” he says, hugging his son He winces slightly—he’s probably a ash on the head Hit by a car My brain leaps away froh the air, the dull whump sound his body h, wave to Corinne, Chris and my mother as they make their way out, too

And then it’s just Ethan and ers shaking as they fuet the job done I can smell the sharp scent of disinfectant, can see where blood has matted his hair

We don’t speak

Finally, after what seees, yet another doctor sticks his head into the room He looks at Ethan’s chart, then does a double-take when he sees me “Okay, Mr Mirabelli Tylenol for your headache, a nice hot shower You’re gonna feel like you were hit by a car tomorrow” He smiles at his own joke “Got someone to stay with you?”

“Yes,” Ethan says

“All right” He hands Ethan a copy of instructions “You’re one lucky bastard,” he says

“That I arees

The doctor starts to leave, then turns to me “You’re Jimmy Mirabelli’s , aren’t you?”

I blink “Yes,” I answer

He looks at Ethan “So you must be Jimmy’s little brother”

“That’s right,” Ethan says smoothly

“I’h school with Jiives that sad smile I’ve seen so uy I’m so sorry for your loss”

“Thanks,” I answer

“Take care,” he says He gives my shoulder a squeeze as he leaves

I stand there for a second, then pick up Ethan’s shoes and hand them to him He doesn’t put them on, just places the up on the side where they put the stitches

“Are you feeling okay?” I ask

“I’ht Those brown eyes are steady on me Ethan knows me, after all, knows me better than anyone, really, and no one has ever accused hi as they fill with tears

Ethan sighs, the sigh of the defeated, and looks at the floor He knows “You may as well say it,” he says quietly

I bite h to taste blood “I’ is easier with the stone in my throat “I can’t do this I want to, but I can’t”

He doesn’t answer for a second, still staring at the floor Then he shakes his head slightly “Okay, Lucy,” he says, weariness weighing down his voice “If this is what you want, fine”

And just like that, we’re done

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIX YEARS, I spend the night at ht after Jimmy died

The house where I grew up is not a place I spend a lot of time Since Christopher and Corinne have been married, holidays have been spent at their place Moed a lot since I was a kid, asthe house as she does herself I haven’t yet seen the new color palate for the living roo roouely superior and not very welco

“Here,” Mo “Looks like you need it”

I take a sip Whiskey It burns down my throat, which surprises me a little, since I’m fairly numb

“I take it you and Ethan broke up,” Moh heels She takes a sip frolass

“Yes,” I say

She nods

“I knohy you never got ed you about it all those times”

“Not that Joe Torre isn’t a nice hs and slides her arainst her shoulder, and I inhale the coood boy,” she murmurs “And don’t worry…he’ll do fine He’ll find someone else You haven’t ruined his life, sweetie”

I try to picture Ethan in the future, a wife, a couple more kids, but instead, I see Captain Bob, forever fixated on a hopeless cause, drowning his love in alcohol It would be good to cry about now, but the pebble see like a cork “I called hiot hit by a car”

She snorts “Well, I’d say he got hit because that idiot cop would rather run down a human than a papier-mâché clam Honestly, I’m surprised those troopers don’t kill more people” She takes a pull of her own drink “And those uniforms are just ridiculous,” she adds, her mind ever on clothes

“The night Ji, “I told him I missed him I wanted him to coet a roo—”

“Honey, stop,” she says fir ridiculous You didn’t cause Jimmy’s death If you’d kno tired he was, you would’ve said just those things You didn’t know because he didn’t tell you And you didn’t cause Ethan to get hit tonight”

I nod obediently

“You’re not going to work toe and I will take care of the bread It won’t be as good as yours, but it won’t be horrible, either”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say