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At the end of the day… I needed to make myself happy Life was too short, you only lived once, and all that other bullshit
I wanted to make the best of it
I grabbed the letter offwith my art portfolio No one knew about my talent, except Alex I wanted to keep it to myself, and maybe that was my first mistake For the first time in my life, I had to show everyone who I was, and I was scared shitless I would start with my parents, they loved h to let me come into my own
If I wanted theuess I should start by giving them a chance
“Austin, there you are, honey, I was about to call you down Dinner’s almost ready Will you help me set the table?”
I nodded, placing the letter and portfolio on my chair We sat down shortly after for dinner, and I waited until my dad asked me his usual dinnertime questions
“Hoas school?”
“Fine”
“Have you heard back on any es?”
“Honey, I thought we decided he was going to go to Ohio State with the boys?” My reat school, and he wants to be with his friends I think it’d be good if they all stayed together You know Austin has always needed a leader”
My eyes widened, but I quickly recovered, glancing over at my thirteen-year-old brother, Hunter He shook his head, just as shocked as I was
“Darla, it would be good for the boy to broaden his horizons He can’t always be following around the boys He’s never going to come out of their shadows”
“I know, honey, but he needs them He’s always needed them They will look out for him They always have”
I scoffed, “You guys do realize I’ about me like I wasn’t in the damn room “Can’t you wait until I at least leave the roos I can’t do?”
“Austin,” Mom coaxed “We don’t roup The boys have always been… well you know, honey More mature and stuff It’s normal for us to worry”
I scoffed, “Mature? Are you for real?”
“Austin, watch your tone,” Dad ordered
I would never rat out my boys, but fuck… if my parents only knew
“I’m sorry”
Moood a time as any
“About college,” I said, wipingtheir attention back to ot accepted into another school One that I really want to attend”
They beae before
“It’s in New York—”
“We didn’t know you applied to NYU That’s an a university I’m so proud of you, Austin!” she rambled on
“Brooklyn, New York,” I clarified “It’s Pratt Institute, School of Art and Design”
They both jerked back, confused
“It’s actually the number one art school in all of the country, and I honestly don’t kno I got accepted but,” I set the letter in front of them and finished, “I did”
My dad picked up the letter off the table and read it over, with Mo over his shoulder to read too Both of their faces void of any emotion
I waited
“Art school, Austin? Where is this co from? You’ve never showed any interest in arts,” she stated, sh
“Actually, I have” I sat up inbeside me
My heart was pounding andsweaty I sed the lu them the first few sketches Their faces were the blank canvas I was used to drawing on They took in the sketches that had bled out through my hands
But I still couldn’t read the hands and continued turning pages, one after the other Running her fingers over the illustrations Realizing what I had kept from them
“I’ve been drawing since I could hold a pencil, Moain a response “My art teachers wrote my letters of recoot in They’ve been telling iven talent since elementary school—”
“They never told us,” Mom interrupted, taken aback
I shrugged I wanted to say it was because they never bothered to go into their rooht That they always said electives didn’t ue It wouldn’t help e until she was almost to the end
Nothing
“I have soo—”
“No,” Dad snapped, locking eyes with me
“I’ll just be a minute—”
“I don’t need to see anye student?”
He pulledit in the middle of the table It rattled the dishes
“Dad, it’s not—”
He put his finger up in the air, silencing me I sed hard
“Money on tutors, money on after-school help, afterschool SAT practice courses, do you want et you the best education, and this is why you’re always struggling? Because you spend more time on a hobby? You wasted all this tioddamn clouds, when it should have been focused on your homework?”
“Joseph…”
He put his hand out in front ofher as well
“This is an out-of-state private school, Austin You think we’re going to pay for that?”
“I don’t know, Dad You were going to pay for the other ten out-of-state private schools you made me apply to”
He leaned back into his chair, shaking his head “Yes For an education For a profession For your future”
“This is ued through gritted teeth, anger began to take over me
“To beco artist? Who will always depend on us to pay his bills? What will you do in your long-terree will help you raise a family one day?”
“Dad, that’s—”
“Hunter, go to your roo I want is your brother rubbing off on you”
“Dad—”
“Hunter, just go!” I broke in, giving him a sympathetic stare
He left
“Austin”
I glanced back at my dad
“We’re not paying for this Do you understandto Pratt, end of story I realize now that you don’t even want to bother with college, so I won’t force you to go to an Ivy League school It would be a waste of your tio to Ohio State and get so If you choose Pratt, you will have to carry your oeight”
They were killingan eye about it I i to , not mine
“How am I supposed to pay my way? I can’t even apply for financial aid You don’t think I’ve looked into it? You guys make too much money You’re literally e fund for Pratt? I will even get a job and rent an apartment on my own I’ll take care of all my own expenses All I ask is for you to pay forThis is important to me This is what I want for my future”
“This conversation ends now, Austin I’ve said my piece End of story”
They weren’t taking this away from me Not now Not ever I had never disrespected my parents; I was raised better than that… but in that moment, in that second…
They weren’t acting like my parents
They were coers
“And here I thought you would actually be happy and excited for me,” I mocked
He shook his head, disappointed “Happy and excited for you? To see you want to throay your life? On a hopeful dreae on the side of the road? Unbelievable How about you show yourwe’ve done for you”
“I didn’t know that respect was earned off e Don’t you think?”
“Austin…” Mom warned
I laughed, “I’ot I still live under your roof I follow your rules or else You remind me daily I should have it memorized by now”
He instantly stood and was over tomy t-shirt in his fist
“Listen to me If it weren’t for your h school But I’h all you do is cause trouble Whether at school, with your teachers or classive you everything Everything and you shit all over it I’m surprised you haven’t knocked someone up yet”
I snidely sht ratulations, I kno to put on a condom”
He didn’t falter “You make it hard to want you ashis words
My ma if I said it didn’t shock me too He just confirmed what I always kneas a fuck up in their eyes Not worthy enough to be their son All I ever wanted was for them to accept me for who I was and welcome me with open arms
And this was exactly why I spentbehind my secrets I knew… I knew they wouldn’t accept oddamn much for them to confirm what I already knew in my heart
“Wow…” I stepped back out of his grasp Hands surrendered, head shaking
I could see it in his eyes He wanted to apologize, take back his hateful words But that wasn’theavy with flared nostrils and a look of pity on his face