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Frustrated, I tossNoah’s text unanswered I don’t want to deal with hiht now

I strip out ofof emptiness washes over me, like it always does when I sleep at ho else I care about And I hate myself for it

By the ti rolls around, I haven’t slept a wink I’ve checkedHayley at least a thousand more In the end, I convinced myself that it’s better this way, for us to stay friends But I don’t even know if that is a possibility Maybe that’s better too I don’t need her co up hers It doesn’t stop hter is going to be alright

I scrub ht I cli the shower I packat my watch I see it’s only seven am I have three hours until my first class and there’s only one place I want to kill that tiet about life for a while I throw on a pair of shorts and polo shirt and grabpool, and when I change intoI just swis start to cras threaten to self-combust between my ribs But when I hoistI wish I could stomp out

Guilt

The rest of o to class, and come home I pretend that I’m fine, that I don’t care about Hayley or the fact that I hurt her I pretend that it doesn’t bother me that I haven’t seen her in a few days But in reality, I’ve been looking for her everywhere She stopped taking Hannah’s calls and every tirand on and since I’ve already acted like a co to one more person wouldn’t hurt I tell hiuess is only half true He reacted the way I expected hied and said, “That’s too bad Careat in bed” It was the first time I wanted to punch my best friend in the face and knock hisuch a hypocrite I was no better than he was I had every intention of getting Hayley intoa feeeks But so the line, it was as if a switch was flipped and wanting her for that felt…wrong Because deep down I know she’s htstand

All this pretending is ure out what’s wrong withto souilt out on my body, in the water The only person who doesn’t complain is Coach My ti I’ve been putting in, we’ve been doing really well in our swiet ho the conversation with my mother that is two years overdue and the source of my internal misery

It’s been an entire week since I last saw Hayley and I’ frory eyes are directed straight at ood,” I mutter to myself I stop and wait for her to reach me But that was very stupid because she’s not pissed, she’s in a flat out rage and I seem to be the cause

“What it wrong with you?” she half-yells, not giving a flying fuck that we’re in public

“Hi Hannah, it’s so nice to see you I’,” I reply sarcastically What the hell could she be so mad about?

“Don’t get s,” she snaps Her black hair is a mess and it looks like she literally just rolled out of bed The slippers on her feet are a dead giveaway I resist the urge to laugh at her disheveled state I always avoid provoking Hannah when she’s in a mood like this

“What is wrong with you?” I ask, suddenly irritated “Are you on your period or so?”

The way Hannah’s face reddens and her eyes bulge are an indication that I have clearly said the wrong thing Her hands fist at her sides and I watch as she struggles to reign on her anger

“How could you, Carily

My irritation escalates Why can wouess all the damn time? “How could I what Hannah?”

“I always knew you could be an asshole, and I tried not to hold that against you after all the shit you’ve been through But you stooped the lowest you ever have Cam I can’t believe you”

Before I can stopabout Hannah? I can’t read your fucking lish!”