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I raise

“I know you’ve had souy, he plays for New York, they’re looking at trading him—”

“Buck, I don’t want to date another hockey player” I set down my controller so I can shovelthat will follow this frozen dairy heaven

“Not all of us are dogs, Violet Randall’s a great guy”

“His name is Randall Hoesome can he be?”

Buck oes by Randy”

“Even better His name is another word for horny Sounds perfect for h or cry

It’s not Randall’s fault his parents named him in relation to horniness I can’t even entertain the idea of dating anyone else right now Besides, I could never get serious with a hockey player again, or a dude na motions every time I said his name It’d be aard

“Wait athe shit out of souy named Randy?” I’m almost positive this is the case

“That was Randolph Cockburn This is Randy Balls”

“Are you serious?” What’s with these guys with terrible last names?

“Yeah, why?” Buck, my perverted stepbrother, doesn’t connect the outlandishly pornographic last name with the first name

“Randy Balls?” I burst out laughing “You want to set ine ould happen if we got married? My last name would be Balls Violet Balls!”

“Huh” He ood, would it? ’Specially if you hyphenated Hall-Balls”

I continue to laugh until I start crying, which turns into hysterical, desperate sobs I don’t want to end up as Violet Balls I wanted to be Violet Waters—it sounds so romantic—and Alex ruined it all

My life sucks Randy’s balls

Buck has no idea what to do He offers to go out and getthanks to my dairy intolerance

“I’uys were”

“It’s not your fault” I swipe my tears away, but there are new ones to take their place

“I introduced you to hi up with him”

“Hoere you supposed to knoas going to hook up with Alex? Besides, you tried to warn me I’m too much of an idiot to take your advice, that’s all” I believed he was a hockey whore in the beginning, and I still slept with him