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"It's okay," he soothes, close to her temple
The nurse and I exchange glances "Looks like she's in good hands," the nurse says, and she leaves to take care of another patient
When Kate is finished, Taylor puts the basin aside and wipes her low-eyed and flushed, her nose still running "Sorry," she mutters
"For what?" Taylor says "Tomorrow, it could be me"
I wonder if all hters are growing up--as if it is impossible to believe that the laundry I once folded for her was doll-sized; as if I can still see her dancing in lazy pirouettes along the lip of the sandbox Wasn't it yesterday that her hand was only as big as the sand dollar she found on the beach? That sa a boy's; wasn't it just holding ht stop and see the spiderweb, the milkweed pod, any of a thousand moments she wanted me to freeze? Ti as we think it is You would assu Kate watch this boy, I see I have a thousand things to learn
"I'm some fun date," Kate murmurs
Taylor smiles at her "Fries," he says "For lunch"
Kate s"
He raises one brow "You lost the bet, you know"
"I seem to have left my trust fund at home"
Taylor pretends to study her "OK, I knohat you can give me instead"
"Sexual favors?" Kate says, forgetting I am here
"Gee, I don't know," Taylor laughs "Should we ask your mom?"
She goes plum-red "Oops"
"Keep this up," I warn, "and your next date will be during a bone marrow aspiration"
"You know the hospital has this dance, right?" Suddenly, Taylor is jittery; his knee bobs up and down "It's for kids who are sick There are doctors and nurses there, in case, and it's held in one of the conference rooular proly tuxes, punch spiked with platelets" He ss "I' about that last part Well, I went last year, stag, and it was pretty duure since you're a patient and I'ether"
Kate, with an aplouessed she possesses, considers the offer "When is it?"
"Saturday"
"As it turns out, I don't have plans to kick the bucket that day" She beams at him "I'd love to"
"Cool," Taylor says, s "Very cool" He reaches for a fresh basin, careful of Kate's IV line, which snakes down between the faster, if it will affect the medication If she'll be sicker, sooner rather than later
Taylor settles Kate into the crook of his arether, they wait for what comes next
"It's too low," I say, as Kate holds a pale yellow dress up below her neck Fro, Anna offers up her opinion, too: "You'd look like a banana"
We have been shopping for a prom dress for hours Kate has only two days to prepare for this dance, and it has become an obsession: what she ear, how she will do herremotely decent Her hair, of course, is not an issue; after ches on her scalp, she says--but she's too self-conscious to go commando Today, she has wrapped a batik scarf around her head, like a proud, pale African queen
The reality of this outing hasn't irls wear to proms bare the midriff or shoulders, where Kate's skin is riddled and thickened with scarring They cling in all the wrong places They are cut to showcase a healthy, hale body, not to hide the lack of it
The saleswobird takes the dress from Kate "It's actually quite modest," she pushes "It really does cover up a fair ae"
"Will it cover this?" Kate snaps, popping open the buttons of her peasant blouse to reveal her recently replaced Hickman catheter, which sprouts from the center of her chest
The saleswoasps before she can remember to stop herself "Oh," she says faintly
"Kate!" I scold
She shakes her head "Let's just get out of here"
As soon as we are on the street in front of the boutique I lace into her "Just because you're angry, you don't have to take it out on the rest of the world"
"Well, she's a bitch," Kate retorts "Did you see her looking at my scarf?"
"Maybe she just liked the pattern," I say dryly
"Yeah, andto wake up tomorrow and not be sick" Her words fall like boulders between us, cracking the sidewalk "I' to find a stupid dress I don't knohy I even told Taylor I'd go in the first place"
"Don't you think every other girl who's going to that dance is in the saowns that cover up tubes and bruises and wires and colostos and God knohat?"
"I don't care about anyone else," Kate says "I wanted to look good Really good, you know, for one night"
"Taylor already thinks you're beautiful"
"Well I don't!" Kate cries "I don't, Mom, and maybe I want to just once"
It is a warround beneath our feet see The sun beats down on my head, on the back of my neck What do I say to that? I have never been Kate I have prayed and begged and wanted to be the one who's sick in lieu of her, soain, but that is not the way it's happened
"We'll sew son it"
"You don't kno to sew," Kate sighs
"I'll learn"
"In a day?" She shakes her head "You can't fix it every time, Mom How come I know that, and you don't?"
She leaves me on the sidewalk and storh Kate's elbow, and drags her into a storefront a few feet away from the boutique, while I hurry to catch up
It is a salon, filled with guet away fro when she wants to be "Hey," Anna says, getting the attention of the receptionist "Do you work here?"
"When I'm forced to"
"You guys do prom hairstyles?"
"Sure," the stylist says "Like an updo?"
"Yeah ForA sht in a jelly jar
"That's right For me," Kate says mischievously, and she unwinds the scarf from her bald head
Everyone in the salon stops speaking Kate stands regally straight "We were thinking of French braids," Anna continues
"A perm," Kate adds
Anna giggles "Maybe a nice chignon"
The stylist ss, caught between shock and syht be able to do so for you" She clears her throat "There's always, you know, extensions"
"Extensions," Anna repeats, and Kate bursts out laughing
The stylist begins to look behind the girls, toward the ceiling "Is this like a Candid Ca?"
At that, hters collapse into each other's arh until they cannot catch their breath They laugh until they cry
As a chaperone at the Providence Hospital Proe of the punch Like every other food item provided for the celebrants, it's neutropenic The nurses--fairy godht--have converted a conference room into a fantasy dance hall, co
Kate is a vine twined around Taylor They sway to co Kate wears her obligatory blue e made of silk flowers, because real ones can carry diseases that iht off In the end, I did not wind up sewing a dress; I found one online at Blueflycoold sheath, cut in a V for Kate's catheter But over this is a long-sleeved, sheer shirt, one that wraps at the waist and glimmers when she turns this way and that so when you notice the strange triple tubing co out by her breastbone, you wonder if it was only a trick of the light
We took a thousand photos before leaving the house When Kate and Taylor had escaped and aiting for me in the car, I went to put the camera away and found Brian in the kitchen with his back toto wave us off? Throw rice?"
It was only when he turned around that I realized he'd come in here to cry "I didn't expect to see this," he said "I didn't think I'd get to have this memory"
I fitted ht it felt as if we'd been carved from the same smooth stone "Wait up for us," I whispered, and then I left
Now, I hand a cup of punch to a boy whose hair is just starting to fall out in small tufts It sheds on the black lapel of his tuxedo "Thanks," he says, and I see he has the lance away and realize that Kate and Taylor are gone
What if she's sick? What if he's sick? I have promised myself I wouldn't be overprotective, but there are too many children here for the staff to really keep track of I ask another parent to take over my punch station and then I search out the ladies' rooh empty hallways and dark corridors and even the chapel
Finally I hear Kate's voice through a cracked doorway She and Taylor stand under a spotlighthands The court