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s a bucket and rag and container of gas; I' up some firesticks There are clothes all over the floor, soed to minimize the effect of a leak in my moonshine still

"What do you think?" I smile at her "Martha Steould love it, huh?"

"Martha Steould make you her life project," Julia murmurs She sits down on the couch, leaps up, and removes a handful of potato chips that have, holy God, already left a grease print in the shape of a heart on her sweet ass

"You want a drink?" Don't let it be said ht me manners

She glances around, then shakes her head "I'll pass"

Shrugging, I pull a Labatt's out of the fridge "So there's been a little fallout along the home front?"

"Wouldn't you know?"

"I try not to"

"How come?"

"Because it's what I do best" Grinning, I take a nice long pull of h this is one blowout I would've loved to see"

"Tell me about Kate and Anna"

"What a down next to her on the couch, way too close On purpose

"How do you get along with them?"

I lean forward "Why, Ms Ro me if I play nice?" When she doesn't as much as blink, I knock off the act "They survive me," I answer "Like everyone else"

This answerdown on her little white pad "What was it like, growing up in this family?"

A dozen flip responses work their way up my throat, but the one that comes out is a totally dark horse "When I elve, there was this ti sick, just an infection, but she couldn't seeranulocytes--white blood cells It wasn't like Kate planned it or anything, but it happened to be Christo out as a faet a tree" I pull a pack of sive her a chance to answer before I light up "I was shuttled over to sohbor's house lasta nice Christ about me like I was a charity case and deaf to boot Anyway, that all got lame pretty fast, so I said I had to pee and I snuck out I walked home and took one of my dad's axes and a handsaw and chopped down this little spruce in the ured out I was gone, I had the whole thing set up in our living rooarland, ornaments, you name it"

In hts--red and blue and yellow, blinking over and over on a tree as overdressed as an Eskihbors to collectme home there are presents under the tree I'm all excited and I find one with my name on it, and it turns out to be this little windup car--soreat for a three-year-old, but not ift shop As was every single other present I got that year Go freaking figure" I stab h ofabout the tree," I tell her "That's what it's like growing up in this family"

"Do you think it's the same for Anna?"

"No Anna's on their radar, because she plays into their grand plan for Kate"

"How do your parents decide when Anna will help Kate medically?" she asks

"You make it sound like there's some process involved Like there's actually a choice"

She lifts her head "Isn't there?"

I ignore her, because that's a rhetorical question if I've ever heard one, and stare out theIn the front yard, you can still see the stump from that spruce No one in this family ever covers up their mistakes

When I was seven I got it in ured--a straight shot, a tunnel? I took a shovel out of the garage and I started a hole just wide enough forthe old plastic sandbox cover across it, just in case of rain For four weeks I worked at this, as the rocks bit into rabbed at my ankles

What I didn't count on were the tall walls that grew aroundstraight down, I'd gotten hopelessly lost In a tunnel, you have to light your oay, and I've never been very good at that

When I yelled out, h I'h several lives He crawled into the pit, torn between my hard work and my stupidity "This could have collapsed on you!" he said, and lifted round

From that point of view, I realized that my hole was not miles deep after all My father, in fact, could stand on the bottom and it only reached up to his chest

Darkness, you know, is relative

BRIAN

IT TAKES ANNA LESS THAN TEN MINUTES to move into my room at the station While she puts her clothes into a drawer and sets her hairbrush next to o out to the kitchen where Paulie is chefing up dinner The guys are all waiting for an explanation

"She's going to stay with s out"

Caesar looks up froonna ride with us?"

I haven't thought of this Maybe it will take her s, to feel like she's an apprentice of sorts "You know, she just ht"

Paulie turns around He'sokay, Cap?"

"Yeah, Paulie, thanks for asking"

"If there's anyone upsetting her," Red says, "they'll have to go through all four of us now"

The others nod I wonder what they would think if I told the Anna are Sara and me

I leave the guys finishing up dinner preparations and go back to my room, where Anna sits on the second twin bed with her feet pretzeled beneath her "Hey," I say, but she doesn't respond It takesGod knohat into her ears

She seesthe phones to rest on her neck like a choker "Hey"

I sit down on the edge of the bed and look at her "So You, uh, want to do so?"

"Like what?"

I shrug "I don't know Play cards?"

"You mean like poker?"

"Poker, Go Fish Whatever"

She looks at me carefully "Go Fish?"

"Want to braid your hair?"

"Dad," Anna asks, "are you feeling all right?"

I a to pieces aroundto make her feel at ease "I just--I want you to know you can do anything you want here"

"Is it okay to leave a box of tampons in the bathroom?"

I, so does Anna's There is only one fehter, a part-timer, and the women's room is on the lower level of the station But still

Anna's hair swings over her face "I didn't meanI can just keep them--"

"You can put them in the bathroom," I announce Then I add with authority, "If anyone complains, we'll say they're mine"

"I'm not sure they'll believe you, Dad"

I wrap an arht at first I've never bunked with a thirteen-year-old girl"

"I don't shack up with forty-two-year-old guys too often, either"

"Good, because I'd have to kill them"

Her sainst my neck Maybe this will not be as hard as I think Maybe I can convince ether, even though the first step involves breaking it apart

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"