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Just like Kate, all the blood leaves my body I couldn't move if I wanted to

"What theVern, a sued?" My mother's voice is far too quiet

"Look, I don't read theht there onI" He doesn't even finish his sentence With his hat in his hands, he ducks back out the door

"Mo on?"

"I have no idea" She unfolds the papers I'h to read them over her shoulder THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND AND PROVIDENCE PLANTATIONS, it says right across the top, official as can be FAMILY COURT FOR PROVIDENCE COUNTY IN RE: ANNA FITZGERALD, AKA JANE DOE

PETITION FOR MEDICAL EMANCIPATION

Oh shit, I think My cheeks are on fire; my heart starts to pound I feel like I did the time the principal sent home a disciplinary notice because I drew a sketch of Mrs Toohey and her colossal butt in the in of my math textbook No, actually, scratch that--it's a million times worse

That she gets to make all future medical decisions

That she not be forced to submit to medical treatment which is not in her best interests or for her benefit

That she not be required to undergo any more treatment for the benefit of her sister, Kate

My mother lifts her face to mine "Anna," she whispers, "what the hell is this?"

It feels like a fist inI shake my head What can I possibly tell her?

"Anna!" She takes a step toward me

Behind her, Kate cries out "Moet the nurse!"

My mother turns halfway Kate is curled onto her side, her hair spilling over her face I think that through the fall of it, she's looking at me, but I cannot be sure "Mommy," she moans, "please"

For a ht between us, a soap bubble She looks froain

My sister's in pain, and I'm relieved What does that say about me?

The last thing I see as I run out of the roo the nurse's call button over and over, as if it's the trigger to a bomb

I can't hide in the cafeteria, or the lobby, or anywhere else that they will expect o So I take the stairs to the sixth floor, the e, there is only one phone, and it is being used "Six pounds eleven ounces," the ht splinter "She's perfect"

Did ? Did ers and toes, sure he'd come up with the finest number in the universe? Did my mother kiss the top of my head and refuse to let the nurse take me away to be cleaned up? Or did they simply hand me away, since the real prize had been clamped between my belly and the placenta?

The new father finally hangs up the phone, laughing at absolutely nothing "Congratulations," I say, hat I really want to tell hiht, to set theher name up in stars so that she never, ever does to him what I have done to my parents

I call Jesse collect Twenty minutes later, he pulls up to the front entrance By now, Deputy Stackhouse has been notified that I've goneat the door when I exit "Anna, your ot the whole hospital being turned inside out"

I take a deep breath "Then you better go tell her I'er door that Jesse's opened for me

He peels away froh I know for a fact he toldthe flat of his hand on the edge of the steering wheel It isn't until he pulls off the highway at the exit for Upper Darby that he shuts the radio off and slon "So Did she blow a gasket?"

"She paged Dad away from work"

In our fae encies, what crisis could we possibly have that coed Dad," Jesse infornosed"

"Great" I cross my arms "That makes me feel infinitely better"

Jesse just s "Sis," he says, "welcome to the Dark Side"

They coes to look at me before my father sends her upstairs to our room My mother whacks her purse down, then her car keys, and then advances on ht snap "What's going on?"

I clear ot a lawyer"

"Evidently" My et rid of him"

It takes enore to shake my head and drop the phone into the cushions of the couch

"Anna, so help me--"

"Sara" My father's voice is an ax It co "I think we need to give Anna a chance to explain We agreed to give her a chance to explain, right?"

I duck my head "I don't want to do it anymore"

That ignites my mother "Well, you know Anna, neither do I In fact, neither does Kate But it's not so we have a choice about"

The thing is, I do have a choice Which is exactly why I have to be the one to do this

My mother stands over me "You went to a lawyer and made him think this is all about you--and it's not It's about us All of us--"

My father's hands curl around her shoulders and squeeze As he crouches down in front of ht into theelse, I' so you needed to do--"

"I don't think that," my mother interrupts

My father closes his eyes "Sara Daain "Can we talk, just us three, without a lawyer having to do it for us?"

What he saysSo I lift o at the same time "Daddy, I can't"

"For God's sake, Anna," my mother says "Do you even realize what the consequences would be?"

My throat closes like the shutter of a cah a tunnel as thin as a pin I'm invisible, I think, and realize too late I have spoken out loud

MyBut she slaps h to makeafter it's faded Just so you know: shaered

Once, when Kate was eight and I was five, we had a fight and decided we no longer wanted to share a rooh, and the fact that Jesse lived in the other spare bedroo older and wiser, decided to split our space in half "Which side do you want?" she asked diplomatically "I'll even let you pick"

Well, I wanted the part with my bed in it Besides, if you divided the room in two, the half with my bed would also, by default, have the box that held all our Barbie dolls and the shelves where we kept our arts and crafts supplies Kate went to reach for a marker there, but I stopped her "That's on my side," I pointed out

"Then give me one," she demanded, so I handed her the red She clih as she could toward the ceiling "Once we do this," she said, "you stay on your side, and I stay onup this bargain as she was After all, I had all the good toys Kate would be beggingher

"Swear it?" she asked, and we made a pinky promise

She drew a jagged line fro, over the desk, across the tan carpet, and back up over the nightstand up the opposite wall Then she handed o back on a promise"

I sat on the floor on le Barbie ned, dressing and undressing the fuss out of the fact that I had them and Kate didn't She perched on her bed with her knees drawn up, watching me She didn't react at all Until, that is, my mother called us down for lunch

Then Kate smiled at me, and walked out the door of the bedroom--which was on her side

I went up to the line she had drawn on the carpet, kicking at it with my toes I didn't want to be a cheat But I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in my room, either

I do not kno long it tookto the kitchen for lunch, but when you are five, even a second can last forever She stood in the doorway, staring at the line of marker on the walls and carpet, and closed her eyes for patience She walked into our roo her "Don't," I cried "I won't ever get back in!"

A minute later she left, and returned with pot holders, dishtowels, and throw pillows She placed these at odd distances, all along Kate's side of the rooed, but I did not move So she came and sat down beside me on my bed "It may be Kate's pond," she said, "but these are , she julanced over her shoulder, until I climbed onto the dishtowel From the dishtowel, to the pillow, to a pot holder Jesse had rade, all the way across Kate's side of the roo my mother's footsteps was the surest way out