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"And the time she almost married his twin by mistake," Kate adds

"Don't forget when he died in the boat accident For two months, anyway" My mother joins the conversation, and I re with Kate in the hospital

For the first time, Kate see?"

"Oh So back" She stands up in front of me so that I can undo her zipper This mail-order compulsion, for any other mother, would be a wake-up call for therapy; for my mom, it would probably be considered a healthy break I wonder if it's putting on someone else's skin for a while that she likes soable to send back a circumstance that just doesn't suit you She looks at Kate, hard "You're sure nothing hurts?"

After my mother leaves, Kate sinks a little That's the only way to describe it--how fast color drains froets sicker, she fades a little more, until I am afraid one day I ake up and not be able to see her at all "Move," Kate orders "You're blocking the picture"

So I go to sit onattractions"

"Well, if I die tonight I want to knohat I'"

I fluff my pillows up under my head Kate, as usual, has swapped so that she has all the funchy ones that don't feel like rocks under your neck She's supposed to deserve this, because she's three years older than me or because she's sick or because the moon is in Aquarius--there's always a reason I squint at the television, wishing I could flip through the stations, knowing I don't have a prayer "Preston looks like he's made out of plastic"

"Then why did I hear you whispering his naht into your pillow?"

"Shut up," I say

"You shut up" Then Kate sh Quite a waste, considering the Fitzgerald sisters are--" Wincing, she breaks off mid-sentence, and I roll toward her

"Kate?"

She rubs her lower back "It's nothing"

It's her kidneys "Want et Mom?"

"Not yet" She reaches between our beds, which are just far apart enough for us to touch each other if we both try I hold out e and try to see how et to balance on it

Lately, I have been having nightmares, where I'h of ether

My father says that a fire will burn itself out, unless you open aand give it fuel I suppose that's what I'ain,at your heels you've got to break a wall or two if you want to escape So when Kate falls asleep from her meds I take the leather binder I keep between o into the bathrooed up a red thread between the zipper's teeth to letinto h the thread's been torn there's nothinginside I turn on the water in the bathtub so it sounds like I'm in there for a reason, and sit down on the floor to count

If you add in the twenty dollars froh, but there's got to be a way around that Jesse didn't have 2,900 when he bought his beat-up Jeep, and the bank gave hin the papers, too, and I doubt they're going to be willing to do that for iven the circumstances I count the money a second time, just in case the bills have miraculously reproduced, but math is math and the total stays the sas

Campbell Alexander It's a stupid name, in my opinion It sounds like a bar drink that costs too e firm But you can't deny the man's track record

To reach my brother's room, you actually have to leave the house, which is exactly the way he likes it When Jesse turned sixteen he e andthe stairs to his place are four snow tires, a small wall of cartons, and an oak desk tipped onto its side Sometimes I think Jesse sets up these obstacles hie

I crawl over the mess and up the stairs, which vibrate with the bass from Jesse's stereo It takes nearly five wholethe door a crack

"Can I come in?"

He thinks twice, then steps back to let azines and leftover Chinese take-out cartons; it sue of a hockey skate The only neat spot is the shelf where Jesse keeps his special collection--a Jaguar's silver 's horse--hood ornah I'h to believe him

Don't get --it isn't that otten himself mixed up in It's just that they don't really have time to care about it, because it's a problem somewhere lower on the totem pole

Jesse ignoreson the far side of the ht by a Crock-Pot--one that disappeared out of the kitchen a few o--which now sits on top of Jesse's TV with a copper tube threaded out of its lid and down through a plastic lass Mason jar Jesse may be a borderline delinquent, but he's brilliant Just as I'm about to touch the contraption, Jesse turns around "Hey!" He fairly flies over the couch to knockcoil"

"Is this what I think it is?"

A nasty grin itches over his face "Depends on what you think it is" He jimmies out the Mason jar, so that liquid drips onto the carpet "Have a taste"

For a still lue, it produces pretty potent h ," I gasp

Jesse laughs and takes a swig, too, although for hioes down easier "So what do you want from me?"

"How do you knoant so?"

"Because no one co on the ar about Kate, you would've already told me"

"It is about Kate Sort of" I press the newspaper clippings intothan I ever could He scans theht in the eye His are the palest shade of silver, so surprising that soet what you were planning to say

"Don't ot our scripts down pat Kate plays the Martyr I'm the Lost Cause And you, you're the Peacekeeper"

He thinks he knows oes both ways--and when it coht at him "Says who?"

Jesse agrees to wait forlot It's one of the few ti I tell hi, which has two gargoyles guarding its entrance

Campbell Alexander, Esquire's office is on the third floor The walls are paneled ood the color of a chestnuton the floor,black pulance down at ic Markers when I was bored

The secretary has perfect skin and perfect eyebrows and honeybee lips, and she's using them to scream bloody murder at whoever's on the other end of the phone "You cannot expect e that Just because you don't want to hear Kleman rant and rave doesn't mean that I have tono, actually, that raise was for the exceptional job I do and the crap I put up with on a daily basis, and as a matter of fact, while we're on--" She holds the phone away from her ear; I can make out the buzz of disconnection "Bastard," shethree feet away "Can I help you?"

She looks eneral scale of first i I lift my chin and pretend to be far more cool than I actually am "I have an appointment with Mr Alexander At four o'clock"

"Your voice," she says "On the phone, you didn't sound quite so"

Young?

She smiles uncomfortably "We don't try juvenile cases, as a rule If you'd like I can offer you the na attorneys who--"

I take a deep breath "Actually," I interrupt, "you're wrong Smith v Whately, Edmunds v Womens and Infants Hospital, and Jeroants under the age of eighteen All three resulted in verdicts for Mr Alexander's clients And those were just in the past year"

The secretary blinks at me Then a slow sht like me after all "Come to think of it, why don't you just wait in his office?" she suggests, and she stands up to show me the way