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“I can pretty much sleep anywhere,” I lied The truth was that I had a hard tiured the point was the same—it didn’t et the same amount of sleep either way

“Everyone’s gonna be here for a while,” he said as he put the sheets on the bed, tucking theet settled and then come out, feel free”

“Okay,” I replied, standing there like a lazy ass while he made my bed I knew I should offer to help, but Jesus, I was tired My arht, the lower half ofon the floor of that closet for so long, and I was trying to ignore the incessant throbbing of my downstairs I felt about a million years old

“Or,” he said as he threw a quilt over the sheets, “you can stay in here and get soet her settled Up to you”

“Yeah, she probably needs her diaper changed,” I said to his back “I don’t know about her, but I was definitely shitting my pants back there”

I have no idea what possessed me to make the joke None of it was funny Not one bit It was absolutely terrifying, and claw atBut I’d never said the right thing, and that moment wasn’t any different

“Right,” he said before turning to face ”

“Mark—”

“You know, Cecilia, tonight wasn’t a fuckin’ lark forin the doorway to look back at ainst the doorfraht? I don’t want to fuckin’ hear ’em”

I stood du after he’d left Once upon a tiotten offended by the shit that spilled out of ether, I hadn’t had to censor hed Or maybe he’d just pretended he didn’t care what I said because he’d been nineteen and getting regular blowjobs Whatever I’d be gone tomorrow and he could think whatever he wanted about me What did it matter, really?

“Let’s get you changed, huh?” I finally said to baby girl as she began to squir off the floor and started pulling everything out of it Four diapers, a half ee of wipes, two little shirts that snapped at the crotch, another baby gown, a pair of footie paja, a set of dirty clothes I’d rolled up into a ball, my hairbrush, a sample size bottle of baby soap, two pacifiers, two nipple shields that I hadn’t had to use after the first day, and a plastic bag with two pads left

“Dah my stomach churned “We don’t have much”

I upended my purse next Two more pads, a couple of very old tampons, keys, wallet, two rippers on the bottom, a tube of lanolin, my 38, an envelope of paperwork, two pens, er, and a tube of lipstick

There was no getting around it—we needed supplies I had a single blanket to wrap her in and I cursed as I realized I’d left her car seat in the back of Cane’s car It had felt weird as hell, unnatural, holding her as we’d driven to Mark’s house, but I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I’d left the expensive ass car seat Liv had picked out behind

Taking a deep breath, I shook outI could do about it now What was done, was done When istics Get her a new car seat and other shit she’d need There was no reason to panic, not about this It was only one night and then we could go back to my place, pack up, and hit the road

I’d feel stronger then I’d be ready to get things done and ht

“Okay, sweetheart,” I said as I leaned over her “Diaper time”

As I changed her, I kept up a stream of conversation that she probably couldn’t understand, but it made me feel better

“My dad is cool You’ll like hiht now Last ti pretty long, but he likes to change it up My s spicy when she never knoho she’s cos like that because it’s gross So, just pretend you don’t hear her, that’s what I do”