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He drew another deep breath and expelled it harshly “Time did not stand still—I had a job to do, which I did I could not forget you, but I could focus on the task I had setthe best of the twenty-first century to Zakhar and its people And I could change myself into a man worthy of your love”
“You were alorthy of ot you, either I just didn’t know you lovedshe could tell him the truth as she’d tried to tell him once beforeand have him believe her
“The years passed,” he continued when she stopped “My father pressured me to marry into one of the royal houses of Europe—to father sons to inherit the throne after hed bitterly “He retted then that he had driven you away, but he never said anything, and I did not know I only knew I could never marry another, could never father children with a woman I did not love—a woman as not you Not even for Zakhar”
“Why didn’t you” she began, and when he looked a question at her she tried to put into words what she needed to know, needed to understand “Why didn’t you co?”
“I did not know you loved me How could I? Your name was linked with one man after another” His face was carved in stone, as if he could hide his pain behind afor you to realize the difference bethat those otherof a day when you would return to me because you could not stay away Then my father died and I ascended the throne”
A s I had to deal with then Mara was one of the my father has to answer for Someday I will tell you about her, but not today” His eyes burned into hers “And still I waited Paying the price for that night Wondering if I would ever pay enough”
“You weren’t the only one who paid for that night,” she whispered His brows drew together in a questioning frown “You ruined me for other men”
A shaft of pain slashed across his face, and Juliana realized he’d misunderstood “No, not that way But every ainst you Every man who touched me, who kissed meI remembered your touch, your kiss” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she confessed, “I remembered the feel of you deep insideto then and now “I could never find a et you And so I could never let them touch methat way”
He took a step closer “What are you saying, Juliana? Are you telling me?”
She kneouldn’t ask Didn’t feel he had the right to ask He loved her even believing she had not led a chaste life as he had And in some elemental way that was as it should be But she didn’t want those lies about her to hurt him the way they’d hurt him for years She had to try one more time If he didn’t believe her, at least she would have told him the truth
“Yes,” she said “You’re not the only one the press lies about The first tiazines claimed I had taken a lover, I protested I even went to et one I would sue I wanted to proclaim my innocence to the entire world, h I believed you didn’t want me anymore, your opinion of me still mattered But my lawyer made me see I could never prove it in court The man” She sed “I had dated him I just refused to sleep with hi rejected So he lied He was the ‘unnamed source’ of the story A trial would have couarantee anyone would believe ed into it
“After that I knew there was no going back I could never prove my innocence to anyone, ht her breath on a sob, but forced it down “I just closedOnly with acting could I escape the pain of losing you Only when I was pretending to be soet you”
She sed again “At least my family and close friends knew the truth No one who really knew me believed the lies, and no one who believed the lies really knew“Then I returned to Zakhar to filain”