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Chapter 23

Dragging myself and my boxes fro, I took the elevator up to the loft, expecting to find it eht surely Lulu would be out on the town, doing whatever it was Lulu did when she was left unsupervisedSo you can iine my surprise when I stepped from the elevator and heard her call ure stretched out across aroom Lulu was –woman in a white uniform kneaded her shoulders‘Uh,’ I said, evenher head up froe table ‘Oh yeah I forgot Nikki, this is our housekeeper, Katerina Katerina, this isn’t Nikki I know it looks like her, but it’s not She had a spirit transfer, and now she’s someone else But you can still call her Nikki ’Katerina stopped kneading Lulu’s shoulders and stared at me ‘You say this is not Miss Nikki?’ she demanded in a heavy Eastern European accent‘No,’ Lulu said ‘Well, I mean, it is But it isn’t ’‘Yes it is, Lulu,’ I said, frustrated ‘It’s still me I just don’t remember anyone Because I have amnesia, remember? Hi, Katerina ’Katerina stared at ed and went back to irls,’ she said Only it caive up with you and your silly gaether face back down into the hole in the centre of thewiththese two reject songs from Lindsay Lohan’s albuht, I must have had fifteen mojitos and a pack of Milk Duds, and I knew only Katerina could whip me back into shape And, oh , like, all day He says your cell’s not on, and all histo voicemail What’s up with that? Like, turn your cell on Also, he is, like, totally sorry about last night He’s been talking about getting his dad’s jet for this weekend and taking us to Antigua, and you know he only does that when he’s suffering a uilt trip Just FYI Oh, and I had to lock Cosy up, she was ju all over me, I couldn’t take it, she’s in htmare –’I put down the boxes and crossed the loft to Lulu’s bedroo open Cosabella careened out of it like a shot, leaping againstI scooped her up and went to sit down on the couch with her cradled in my arms while she lapped at my face‘She’s already had her walk ’ Lulu popped her head up to look at ain ‘Karl took her And I fed her Oh my God, what is on your face?’I blinked at her above Cosy’s fluffy head ‘Where?’Next thing I knew, Lulu had swung down off thethe sheet around her, ernail acrossaway froernail and said, ‘I knew it It’s a dead skin flake Your skin is dry What have you been using on it?’‘Look,’ I said, still clutchingafter Cosy while I was in school and at the shoot and all But you can’t just go around SCRATCHING people—’‘What Have You Been Using On It?’ Lulu deer in my face to show me the dead skin flake‘God,’ I said ‘Soap What else?’Lulu looked horrified ‘Soap? SOAP? You’ve been washing your skin with SOAP?’‘Well, what else would you use on your skin?’ I askedLulu shook her head, still staring at me Then she said to the housekeeper, ‘Katerina My robe We have a crisis that needs to be dealt with STAT ’Katerina nodded gravely and lifted Lulu’s robe Lulu, still holding the sheet in strategic locations, slipped her arms into the robe’s sleevesthen let the sheet drop to the floor, once she was safely covered‘Look,’ I said, ‘I don’t knohat’s going on here, but I do not need any kind of beauty intervention, if that’s what this is about I have a lot onyour pardon,’ Lulu said, ‘but Nikki Howard gave you her body – she donated it – as a GIFT, with the expectation that you would take care of it ’‘I HAVE been taking care of it,’ I insisted ‘I’ve been eating nothing but freaking green tea and tofu since I GOT this body, as that’s the only stuff that doesn’t appear toyour hair with?’ Lulu de it deep condition? And what kind of exfoliant are you using? Don’t answer that, I already know: none It’s true that Nikki Hoas a natural beauty But she didn’t just GET that way She CULTIVATED it With a careful and diligent beauty regi towards Katerina for help, but finding none in her direction That’s because she’d found the universal remote control, which apparently controlled not only the flat-panel TV above the fireplace, but the fireplace – the flames suddenly leaped and danced as she pushed buttons – thepanes (you could deepen the shade of the glass to purple opaque or brighten it to clear), the stereo and even the security ca to enhance thesofter ‘I have a lot worse probleht? In case you aren’t aware of it, so on us Not just me, Lulu You too Your laptop was loaded with spyware And I don’t want to alarm you, but I’m pretty sure it’s Stark Enterprises I don’t have any proof of coursebut who else would it be? It’s OK now, I fixed it But you et a new, non-Stark-brand laptop I did And as if that’s not bad enough, Gabriel Luna – reastore grand opening, where the, u aboutand alcohol issues And the guy I do like –’ suddenly I was fighting back tears Just like that – ‘wouldn’t even look at me today at school, OK? So it doesn’t matter if I have dry skin or moist skin or NO skin I mean, I don’t even knohat the point of all this is What is the point of being beautiful when you can’t even get the guy you like to look at you?’Lulu sucked in her breath Then she looked at Katerina and said, ‘Better call for backup ’Katerina nodded, laid down the rerabbed the nearest pillow and smashed it over my face‘Oh no,’ I wailed ‘No more makeovers No, no, no, no!’ I s Dr Holcombe, I was sure, would reco I knew, she was plucking the pillow offbanana splits from the deli down the street That’s what I meant by backup We always order banana splits froood for your reflux, but you can take one of those pills of yours before you eat it Now What is this about Stark Enterprises, Gabriel Luna, and so at you?’Astonished that I wasn’t about to be given a head-to-toe exfoliation, I told Lulu first about her computer, then about Gabriel, and then about Christopher and the way he’d barely spoken to ed and said, ‘Well, first of all, I never use that computer I just think it’s pretty And Gabriel’s easy too He’s in love with you ’I nearly choked on some of my own spit‘Lulu! Nothat’s—’‘And it’s obvious what’s going on with that Christopher guy,’ she went on‘Really?’ Startled, I stared at her, wide-eyed ‘What?’‘He’s frightened of his passion for you So he’s just had to shove it ay down, so it won’t show ’I blinked ‘Lulu He doesn’t even know Nikki Howard How can he feel passion for her?’Lulu put both her tiny bare feet up on the coffee table and rolled her head around on the back of the couch until she was staring at the ceiling ‘Oh ive

you this speech again It seeive you this speech last ain because of the spirit transfer But here goes OK, Nikki Pay attention this tiirls ’ She held up three fingers, and put one finger down each time she ticked off a point‘First, they love you, and they show it either by writing a song about you, like Gabriel, or asking you out, and everything is nice and fun like it should be Second, they love you, but they’re scared of their passion for you because it’s so strong, like your boy Christopher, so they stuff it ay down and ignore you, or do stupid things like make fun of you because they don’t kno to express it any other way, because they’re i about you Or third, there’s so, and then turn around and do stupid things like sleep with other girls behind your back, like Justin Bay did But we’ll never figure out rong with the about OK? That’s it The end ’She put down her hand ‘Any questions?’I stared at her She looked serious But it was kind of hard to tell, considering it was Lulu So I figured I’d ask to make sure ‘Uhed ‘OK, I can see I didn’t quite get through to you Nikki, please don’t tell me your mother never told you this ’I shook my head ‘Umno I can’t say she ever—’‘God!’ Lulu rolled her eyes some more ‘That ? That is so irresponsible! I hters out into the world to just walk around, htest idea of what they’re doing? Didn’t you see Spider-Man? With great power co around being so awesouys fall in love with us all over the place Right, Katerina?’‘Yah,’ Katerina said, nodding fiercely as she bundled up Lulu’s sheets for the laundry‘My mother – much like Katerina’s mother, I wouldn’t doubt –’ Lulu went on, ‘sat me dohen I was eleven and said, “Lulu, the truth of the ay ones too, so look out, because that’s just going to end in disaster – you everto fall madly in love with you He may not admit it, but it’s true So you have to take responsibility for that, and not do things to encourage him – unless of course you want him to fall in love with you Because it’s cruel to play with boys’ emotions in that way, because no matter what anyone else says, men are the weaker sex ” Didn’t your mother tell you that?’Completely stunned by this bit of motherly advice –the lines of, Never go anywhere without enough money for a cab home, and Don’t have sex, but if you do, always use a condom – I shook hlessons for Christo and run off withabout that Every heterosexual guy I’ve ever ay ones – has fallen in love with me At least a little bit Oh, not like they all want tosometimes, like in the case of my snowboard instructor, it turns out they’ve wanted to ht about it And it’s true they don’t always stay in love with ht to – but that’s usually because the love they feel for htens them so much, because I’ awaylike Justin ’I just stared at her Seeing this, Lulu said, ‘I’uy coo to pay him He’ll probably ask me out ’Not sure how else to respond, I said carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings, ‘Well, Luluthanks I ? But, while I’uy you meet falls in love with you, with me that’s not really been the case At least, in irls don’t have to go around worrying about every guy theyin love with them I could see ho that I’m Nikki, I’ll have to worry, but—’Lulu sucked in her breath, looking outraged‘Oh yes they do!’ she cried ‘If girls aren’t worried about this, they’re just kidding theht, Katerina?’Katerina nodded as she was folding up hertired ‘You should meet some of my ex-husbands ’‘See?’ Lulu said fiercely ‘It doesn’t matter how old you are or how you look – no offence, Katerina Whether you’re pretty or plain, or skinny or round Guys can’t help it If you’re a girl, it’s just the way it is Guys may not want to admit that they like you Theyit –’ thisirls And it’s a lot of responsibility for us I mean, we have to be so, so careful all the tiile Our hearts aren’t nearly as delicate Are they, Katerina?’‘Nein,’ Katerina said, banging theon with your little Christopher friend,’ Lulu said ‘But I’ maybe he’s just pushed his love for you ay down because he’s so frightened of itthat happens a lot Can you think of a reason why he ht have done that?’I looked at Cosabella, who’d curled up inI really had no idea how I’d even ended up taking part in this lunatic conversationBut there was so so vulnerable and sweet – that made me want her theory to be true It was certainly a very nice theory, and one that would boost the self-esteeirl whose mother sat her down and told it to her Who knew? Maybe it was true Lulu certainly seeuy she met did fall in love with her, at least a littleI believed it was probably a little true for Nikki Howard tooexcept where Brandon Stark’s dad was concernedBut then there hat had happened that afternoon with Christopher How could I even begin to explain hoeird that had been?‘I don’t know,’ I said slowly ‘My sister said so been in love with, uastore grand opening? Only hi realized it until it was too late and she wasdead I don’t know if this is true She was probably wrong But they were best friends before she died And, you know, he was there when she was killed And my sister thinks maybe now his heart is broken ’There was a pause as this soaked in Then Lulu flattened a hand against her chest and looked at e Bambi eyes, suddenly full of tears‘That,’ she said, ‘is theI have ever heard ’ She looked over at the housekeeper ‘Katerina Isn’t that theyou’ve ever heard?’Katerina had herout the refrigerator, throwing out expired containers of yogurt ‘Yah,’ she called over her shoulderLulu turned back toot to do now is make a connection with him Show him that you understand what he’s lost That you feel his loss ’I shook er to him WorseI’m a supermodel, who represents Stark Enterprises, the co his best friend – and represents everything else evil in the world I’ that Christopher hates How can I make a connection with hi you, it’s totally hopeless ’‘Nothing is hopeless where true love is concerned,’ Lulu said, giving my hand a squeeze ‘Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? You’ve just got to give him time He’s experienced a terrible loss His heart has been torn in two It’s

going to take love and patience to being hijust like it took love and patience to bring you back to e,’ Lulu added hastily, ‘but hed ‘I don’t know, Lulu I want to think you’re right, butreat responsibility, the kinder thing to do would be to just leave hily into my eyes ‘What does your heart say, Nikki?’I felt tears fillwhat Mr Phillips had said that day in Dr Holcombe’s office – What is the locus of our identitiesour souls, as it were?Is it the brain? Or is it the heart?Nikki Howard’s brain, it’s true, is no longer functioning Her heart, on the other hand, continues to beatI remembered no I’d lainIt had felt so foreign to me I’d wondered then if it would ever feel like my own heartBut it felt like my own heart now It felt likebut my own heart could hurt so much It felt like‘My heart says that I love Christopher,’ I said miserably ‘But it’s so hopeless, Lulu The chances ofhim even to be friends withanything else ’The intercoet,’ Katerina said, and she shuffled off to do so‘Listen,’ Lulu said, giving uy asks me out, will you believe me that you have a chance with Christopher?’I slipped my hand out from hers in order to wipe away my tears ‘Lulu You’re in a fluffy robe and slippers The delivery guy isn’t going to—’‘The delivery guy is going to ask me out,’ Lulu said ‘I told you, omen have an awesome power that we have to wield with responsibility So this isn’t fair of ht now, since I just broke up with Justin, and I need to go see n I should concentrate on trying to date next But I will do it, to prove a point to you Then will you believe h ‘Go for it ’The elevator doors opened, and the unsuspecting delivery guy stepped out, holding a plastic bag‘That’ll be eleven fifty,’ he said to Katerina as he handed her the bag‘I’ ’ And she pointed at LuluLulu got up off the couch and, giving the sash to her fluffy robe a tug to tighten it, approached the delivery guy I couldn’t say I noticed anything at all different about her, except that a beguiling suy sure seehten up all of a sudden‘Well,’ Lulu said to him ‘hello there Eleven fifty, you said? Hold on a second,out there? Do you want a towel? Here, letcold out, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want you co me my banana splits? I sure do love banana splits Here, here’s a twenty You can keep the change And here’s a big fluffy towel What’s your nauy in a dazed voice as he wiped off his face with the towel Lulu had handed hi the towel back ‘What a nice nauy said, still sounding dazed ‘What’s your name?’‘My name is Lulu,’ Lulu said ‘That’s with two Ls and two Us ’‘That’s a pretty nao out with oodness,’ Lulu said ‘I’d love to! But only if’‘Your husband?’ Roy looked stunned‘Co Roy back on to the elevator ‘Let’s go ’‘Bye, Roy,’ Lulu said, waving ‘Don’t catch a cold!’The elevator doors closed on a still-stunned Roy’s face As soon as he was gone, Lulu turned triumphantly towards me and did a little victory dance‘There!’ she cried ‘See? I told you!’I shook my head in wonder I really couldn’t believe what I’d just witnessed‘That,’ I said, truly i But how did you do that? You’re in a bathrobe! You weren’t even wearing anything low-cut or revealing ’‘I was kind and friendly to hi her head ‘And I exuded confidence and char to tell you Anyone can do it It doesn’t’ She crossed the roo containing our banana splits Lulu swung herself up on to one of the stools until she was sitting in front of one of the plastic containers‘I don’t think I could do it,’ I said, getting up fro her ‘I don’t think I have that kind of confidence ’‘Of course you can do it, Nikki,’ Lulu said, digging into her banana split with one of the plastic spoons the deli had provided ‘You used to do it all the time, before the spirit transfer So reasons, just to be ive you the speech about hoith great power coreat responsibility and so on So you can do it with this Christopher person too, easy You just have to have confidence And, like I said, you have to h ‘I’ll try ’Lulu giggled and flicked solob that landed on the floor‘Hey!’ I said, glaring at Lulu ‘What was that for?’‘I can’t believe,’ she said, giggling soh-school boy ’‘Yeah,’ I said, ai my own spoonful of ice cream at her ‘Well, you’re the freak who believes in spirit transfers ’ The glob of ice crea, Cosabella raced excitedly to the other side of the kitchen to lick it up‘Takes someone who’s had one to know one,’ Lulu said, and hurled the cherry frolassbehind me and slid slowly down it Cosabella barked happily at it the whole way‘Gels,’ Katerina said ‘Stop! I just clean in here! Keep this up, and nosure the kitchen was sparkling ere done