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Chapter 21

I found Frida where she alas just before lunch: the ground floor ladies’ roo her lipglossThere were any nuirls in there with her, but one look at me and they fled as if soiven Nikki Howard’s reputation, they thought I’d gone in there to do drugs You’d have thought they’d have stuck around to watch,my nose to sell to the Enquirer for some extra cashBut TAHS’s fresh that enterprising Besides, the truth was much tamer: I was in there to pump Frida for information‘Why didn’t you tellainst‘What?’ She puckered at her reflection as she reapplied ‘Oh, yeah Christopher cut his hair News at eleven Whatever He did it for your memorial service His dad made him ’I stared at her reflection in shock ‘That’s terrible!’Frida siht it was sort of respectful You know, of your ross And besides, Christopher didn’t put up ht, from what I heard He’s been like a zo ’I perked up at hearing this ‘Really? Did he cry? At my funeral, I mean?’Frida shot me an annoyed look ‘God, you are so vain now ’‘I alared at her ‘I am totally the least vain person you kno can you even say that? All I want to know is if Christopher seemed sad after I died That’s not vanity That’s just curiosity If you had died, you’d probably expect the city to shut down and name a day after you—’‘I would not,’ Frida said with a sniff And I suppose Christopher ht have seeht you tere just friends And you can do way better than Christopher now And besides, you already have Brandon Stark – and Gabriel Luna, probably, unless that Vespa ride was a fluke How nored her ‘Who does Christopher eat lunch with now?’ I asked her ‘I mean, now that I’m dead?’ Not McKayla Donofrio Please don’t say McKayla Donofrio ‘I don’t know,’ Frida said grumpily ‘I never see hi in the co Assistant—’‘Thanks,’ I said, and started to hurry off to find Christopher – but not before I heard Frida shout after me, ‘You better come eat with oing to! Don’t you dare stand me up!’But I didn’t have tist the junior-varsity cheerleading crowd I only had forty et to my next class I raced down the hall towards the coht have wondered how I kneay around TAHS so deftly after her extremely short tour) And there he was, exactly where Frida had said hea sandwich in the glow of a solitary game ofMadden NFL?But Christopher never played sports-related video ga on here?Still, I really don’t think I’d be exaggerating if I said that, though he was doing so extremely bizarre (based on his old patterns of behaviour anyway), Christopher looked adorable with his short blond hair totally ru let it air-dry after his shower on his way to school The collar of his green polo shirt was slightly askew in the back, and bits of sandwich cru out, so his biceps, disappearing into his short sleeves, weren’t ridiculously huge-looking, like Jason Klein’s But they weren’t nonexistent either‘Ua in the doorway ‘Excuse lanced over and nearly choked on theat all, because he was too busy coughing‘Sorry,’ I said Whoa I probably should have rehearsed this a little better What was Nikki doing in a co Christopher out going to be? ‘I justI ondering –’‘The Administration Office is down the hall,’ Christopher said, having recovered himselfThen, to my utter astonishame Of Madden NFLOh yes Christopher Maloney had just blown ame And he hadn’t even blown off me either, but Nikki Howard He’d just blown off the hottest teen super with him? I know he liked Nikki Howard I’d seen forat Stark’s What was going on here?And why hadn’t I figured out before what I was going to say to hi to people have to be so hard? This would have so much easier if I could have just IMed himWaitemail ‘I know this isn’t the Administration Office,’ I said quickly ‘They said in the Adn up for a student email account here ’This wasn’t even a lie That was the lorious part of all‘Oh,’ Christopher said He looked away from his computer screen reluctantly ‘Sure Yeah I can set you up with one, if you want ’‘You can?’ I rushed over and sank down into the coreat Thanks ’I snored meIt’s true I’d only been Nikki Howard for a couple of days in the outside world But I had already learned in that short tiuys It rendered them completely helpless Guys turned to total Jell-O when Nikki s – Nikki wanted when she suy who had seemed immune to Nikki’s smile, and that had been Brandon Stark’s fatherAnd now the only guy in the world who I actually cared about i – Christopher Maloney – was iaze firmly on the computer screen in front of oing to get through to Christopher – as a person, not as Nikki Howard – if I couldn’t even get him to look me in the eye and see that there was so desperate ‘You likecoames?’Oh my God, could I sound more lame? If I’d been in the co to this conversation between Nikki Howard and Christopher, I’d be laughing my butt off round about now‘So away at his keyboard‘Me too,’ I said ‘Have you ever played Journeyquest?’That got his attention Finally He turned his stunned gaze towards me ‘You play Journeyquest?’ he asked incredulously‘Sure,’ I said,a happy double thump, despite the fact that I probably should have been insulted IJourneyquest? What, she was too stupid to play a tactic-based RPG?Oh, who even cared? He’d looked atnow until ere friends again! He’d ask ery shows and getting yelled at by the Coain Everything would be just like it used to be I was so happy! Happier than I could re since I’d looked into that rear-viewback at h,’ I saidLevel forty-five, Christopher! It’s me, Christopher! Em! Look at me, Christopher! Look into ht at you!Christopher studied er, and I could have sworn he saw ht he hadBut then he coaWait What? What just happened? What did he mean, he didn’t play Journeyquest anyJourneyquest It’s not just a game It’s a lifestyleAnd what about me? Me, Em? Had he seen me or not? He hadn

’t He couldn’t possibly, right?Or he wouldn’t have looked away‘Yeah,’ he said ‘So your new e to be Nikki dot Howard at TAHS dot EDU It should be effective right away ’What was going on? Why was he just ignoring nore Nikki Howard Euys ask Nikki what kind of moisturizer she uses (not that I know the answer)‘OK,’ I said, not knohat else to say ‘Thanks ’OK Christopher didn’t want to talk to me I mean, Nikki Howard I could take a hintNo No, actually, I really couldn’t‘You kno to set up your student eht?’I kne to set upup otten radeMy ed Frida and uyBut this was one case, I felt, where she’d have understoodBecause suddenly I realized I had an excuse to talk to Christopher again tomorrow And I really, really needed one Because it didn’t look as if he was going to be asking ery shows any ti-up thingy,’ I said I was practically battingso much My mom would have had a coronaryChristopher stared at me ‘You don’t,’ he said He didn’t sound too surprised‘No,’ I said ‘Is it hard? Do you kno to do it?’‘Yes,’ he said ‘It’s not hard Do you have sothe defenceless-fe have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t he just grab and kiss ! Or at least, Nikki was ‘If I just bring in my laptop tomorroill you set me up?’‘Sure,’ he said I couldn’t believe he hadn’t fallen for the eyelash thing Which, by the way, I was pretty sure would have made Justin Bay fall over In a coma ‘That’ll be fine ’‘Great ’ I se, the kind of smile that had caused Raoul, the art director, to say yesterday, Nikki, could you tone it down a little? We aren’t selling used cars hereBut I didn’t want to tone it down any et a reaction fro, since he continued just to stare at‘I ht handChristopher didn’t s rip was firely lifeless I don’t kno to describe it, except that It was like shaking hands with a dead person IaroundWhich ers arm, likeinside hiiven up Like with his battle over his hair with his dad He’d justsurrendered, after all these years He honestly didn’t care anywith hih to hiet him to look at me to see that I was here, inside Nikki Howard?I didn’t want to let go of his handand I didn’t think it was because of Nikki’s wantonness either I ue It just felt so good to be close to hiain, to be in his presence, even if he didn’t knoas o, because you can’t sit around in a couy you just met Even if you were best friends with hied supermodel nowSo I dropped his handjust a second after he tugged on it to release it froht I was a crazy person I half expected him to wipe his hand on his jeans But he restrained hiather up my Marc Jacobs tote in an effort to hide my mortification ‘I’m headed down to the cafeteria for lunch Do you want to jointo say before he said it‘Uh, no, thanks,’ Christopher said, giving e look ‘But enjoy yourself Stay away fro he’d said I realized how much I’d missed his sarcastic remarks Almost as much as I’d missed hiain it seemed to have no effect on hi back to Madden NFL without another wordAnd I slunk from the lab, embarrassed, hurtand more than a little confused‘Ohup tofor, like, ever Where were you?’‘I went to see Christopher in the computer lab,’ I said ‘I told you—’‘God,’ Frida eek when you could be with Gabriel Luna?’‘Gabriel Luna thinks I’ht’s eaffe Which are all I seeuys are concerned‘Well, whatever,’ Frida said, grabbing my ar with us at lunch today ’‘And just how, exactly,’ I asked as she propelled , ‘are you and I supposed to havewith you at lunch now?’‘We ,’ Frida said ‘Reether ’‘Great,’ I said, rollingwith Christopher?’‘He’s a freak,’ Frida said as she draggedit now because you’re finally normal ’‘No, I meanwhat happened to him? He’sdifferent He doesn’t even like Journeyquest any more He plays Madden NFL Christopher hates sports And heI can’t really explain it But it’s like he – I went in there to get an email address for Nikki, and he’d barely look at ht he’d be all over you,’ Frida said with a snort, ‘just because you’re Nikki Howard now ’‘Well,’ I said I didn’t want to sound snotty But‘Yeah I uys are usually all over Nikki Unless they’re gay So what’s wrong with him?’‘What do you want me to say, Em? I mean, Nikki I told you, he’s been weird ever since you croaked I uess he was just always in love with you, but didn’t realize it until you were gone, and now that you’re dead, he’s wasting away Is that what you want to hear?’ She flung a glance at me over her shoulder, saw hter ‘God! It is! Get over yourself You can have any guy you want now Why do you have to like the one guy who liked you better when you were just average, like the rest of us?’We’d reached the cafeteria doors Frida turned to confront me with her hands on her hips I stared down at her with tear-filled eyes‘Oh my God, Frida,’ I said with a little sob ‘Dodo you really think that’s it?’Frida stared up at me ‘Oh my God You really like him, don’t you? ListenHow ahtLook, Christopher is the least of your probleht now You are about to enter the Tribeca Alternative High School cafeteria Only it’s a whole new ball gao You’re hot now Do you understand? You have got to get Christopher out of your head and put on your game face You’re Nikki Howard, supermodel Not Em Watts, weirdo Got it?’I nodded But I wasn’t really listening I kept thinking about what she’d said Was it really possible? Could Christopher have realized, after I’d died, that he loved me? Was that why he didn’t want to play Journeyquest any more? Because it reminded him of me? Was that why he’d finally consented to cut his hair? Because nothing one?Oh God! That was theto do about it? Hoas I going to get Christopher interested in Nikki Howard if he was busy pining away for a dead girl? Who, by the way, happened to be ht he??

?d have been a little nicer to me back when I’d been alive, if he’d been so madly in love with meBut he’d never even so much as tried to kissso bad about!Oh! That was even est that, Frida was yanking me on the arm and ere in the caffwhere the volu din, increased tenfold at the ht of h the entire cafeteriaAnd not just the Walking Dead were saying it The geeks, the goths, the skaters, the druggiesall of the red ‘I don’t know about this, Free,’ I said as Frida herded me towards the hot-food line and thrust a tray into my hands‘Trust me,’ Frida said ‘Even superht have been easier si ly aware of being the centre of everyone’s attention as I made my way down the food line My selections were buzzed about as if I’d been Tiger Woods, lining up a ga for the tofu patty,’ I heard the Then, seconds later, ‘An apple! She took an apple!’I wanted to thron my tray and run from the room – run out of the school and all the way back to the hospital and up to the fourth floor into Dr Holcombe’s office ‘I need a new body! I can’t be in this one a second longer! I can’t be Nikki Howard! I just want to be someone normal!’Instead, I stepped up to the cashier to pay for my food Then I followed Frida to her table Where the entire junior-varsity cheerleading tea as Frida and I approached I fully expected the to sit at our table, loser? The geek table is over THERE ’But I’d forgotten I’eek, any more I’m Nikki HowardAnd Nikki Howard is apparently welcome everywhere (except the co her tray over ‘I’lad you caest fan!’Frida took the place the girl was offering though, after giving her a severe look ‘Now, Mackenzie,’ she said sternly ‘Remeht, no gushing Sorry Sorry ’The other girls, all s up at me, scooted over to make room I felt a little uneasy I couldn’t quite believe I was being WELCOMED at a table belonging to the Walking DeadBut it soon became apparent our table was THE table to be at Especially when, no sooner had Frida made introductions (none of which I retained, since all her friends appeared to be called either Taylor, Tyler or Tory), a familiar voice cried, ‘There you are!’And I turnedthere with a tray of salad and diet soda, Lindsey and several other key Walking Deadone froht behind her‘Ohall over for you ’And the next thing I knew, she was shoving red and gold uniforms aside to make way for herself, her boyfriend and her best friend‘Thanks muchly,’ she said to Frida’s friends, who hadn’t so much as moved as been pushed out of the way ‘So, Nikki, how are you enjoying your first day here at TAHS?’‘She’s liking it a lot, Whitney’ Frida, who’d apparently appointed herself uess it’s not every day a freshirl in school at her lunch table ‘Aren’t you, Nikki?’I took a swig of ot acid reflux, not lactose intolerance)‘Yeah,’ I said after I’d sed‘I was telling Nikki today in Public Speaking,’ Whitney said – then added, as an aside to everyone else at the table, ‘Nikki and I have Public Speaking together—’‘Me too!’ Lindsey cried ‘I’ class too! Also her Spanish class And I’ list for that Marc Jacobs tote’‘– hoe feel so fortunate that she decided to attend our school, out of all the schools in the city’ Whitney went on, as if Lindsey hadn’t interrupted ‘Wasn’t I, Nikki?’‘Yeah,’ I said after sing a bite of the salad I’d gotten to accompany my tofu pattywhich tasted fantastic, and not at all like the cardboard box I’d been expecting it to taste like‘I just e’d had more advance notice of her enrolment,’ Whitney went on, to everyone at the table ‘Because then we could have organized a proper welcoree at‘Wow,’ I said ‘Thanks That’s really great But I feel plenty welcoet you a list of extra-curriculars, in case you decide you anizations our school has to offer I, for instance, am president of the junior class, as well as captain of the Spirit Club ’‘Really,’ I said ‘The Spirit Club What’s that?’Not that I didn’t know I just wanted to see if she’d describe it the way Christopher and I used to: as the Society for the Lame‘Oh, well, the Spirit Club st the student population by pro events in and around Tribeca Alternative such as pep rallies, health fairs, aluhts, weekend carnivals—’‘Casino nights,’ Lindsey chi Lindsey a dirty look ‘Really what it’s all about is –’ Whitney lowered her voice as if she was afraid of being overheard – ‘soo to this school don’t appreciate all the fantastic programmes and opportunities it has to offer So the Spirit Club does its best to get students excited about these events, such as gas that will look great on their college applications ’I blinked at her ‘Why are you whispering?’She glanced around, then seemed to realize that the school’s torst malcontents – E distance ‘Oh, I don’t know It’s just that so school spirit is silly But I don’t think there’s anything silly about wanting to take as e as possible of what, for me at least, have truly been soh school was supposed to be the best years of my life – at least so far – I was truly destined to have a sucky adulthood‘Wow,’ I said again ‘That soundsgreat ’‘Enough about this school crap,’ Jason Klein said, leaning forward so that his– biceps swelled beneath the sleeves of his pink polo ‘What clubs can you get us into?’‘Jason!’ Whitney lady-slapped hiled ‘Stop! Don’t pay any attention to hiot into Cave last night,’ Jason said ‘Can you get us into Cave?’‘I don’t know,’ I said ‘Maybe ’‘Maybe what?’Jason deet us in or not?’‘If it’s Jerks Who Interrupt Their Girlfriends Night,’ I said ‘Then I can probably get you in ’Whitney gasped Lindsey let out a giant horse laughBut what impressed me most was that quite a few of the JV cheerleaders turned around and high-fived one another, impressed by the fact that I’d dissed Jason Klein If this, I realized, was the kind of co, then I had been quite badly underesti squad – and possibly cheerleaders everywhere They were a fun bunchFrida, however, just glared at ed I really don’t see what else she’d expected ood-naturedly‘OK, OK,’ he said, sot n of how different life is when you’ve got a supermodel’s face as opposed to just a nor like that to Jason back when I’d been in my Em Watts body, I’d never have heard the end of itespecially froiven In fact, as ere putting our trays away, just before the bell rang, Whitney sidled up t

o s, said in a low voice, I guess so the others wouldn’t overhear, ‘Listen, Nikki, if you’re not doing anything after school, maybe you could come up to my place and I could help you out with sooing to catch up at this rate – plus I know it’s been a while since you were last in school So I just thought—’‘Gosh,’ I said ‘Thanks But I have a shoot ’Even if I hadn’t, no ould I waste any ofto Whitney Robertson’s penthouse so she could show le Or try on different-coloured sparkle eyeshadow, or whatever it is the Walking Dead do in their spare tih,’ I added with a smile when I saw her face fallAs soon as she saw the sushed ‘Well, toodle-oo!’Seriously That’s what she said to me Toodle-ooI kind of wished Cosy had been with one, ‘Well, Toto I guess we’re not in Kansas any more ’Except that I’ve never actually been to KansasAlthough I’m fairly sure Nikki has Nikki’s been everywhereExcept where I most want to be