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“I should have guessed or done so, just in case Instead, I told Nikki to do what she had to do Then I hung up on her An hour later, her sister called me to tell me that she was dead”

“Damn it, Gavin, you didn’t force her to take the pills”

“But I didn’t even try to save her” Gavin stood and kicked the chair across the roo to the coroner He kept it quiet forto want to hear this, Gavin, but how can you be sure the baby was yours?”

He’d asked himself that question a million times “Does it really matter? If I had taken her threat seriously, that child would be alive today”

Dex shook his head “You would never have intentionally hurt her or that baby I know it”

“You’re obviously ence, I killed both a woman and a child”

“No,” Slade said in an even tone “You didn’t You broke up with a woo off the deep end She needed help, man”

“I didn’t give it to her Da “I left her there I let her die”

“She chose to take the pills herself She didn’t care about the baby in her belly She didn’t call for an ambulance She didn’t want to live That’s not your fault” Slade stood and began to pace, his hand running through his hair “You’ve seriously wasted years of your life over this?”

“That was er threatened to bubble to the surface

“She took the kid doith her,” Dex said quietly Gavin couldn’t mistake the sadness in his brother’s eyes “And that’s what you’re grieving most of all I know And I am so sorry” Slade’s hands rested on his shoulders “I’m sorry, too I wish you’d told us sooner We would have done anything to help you through this”

Gavin pushed them away “Don’t”

Dex frowned “Don’t what, give a daet pissed that you’ve wasted years of your life over so you couldn’t control?”

“Don’t forgive you? That’s what you’re really upset about it, isn’t it?” Slade challenged

“You don’t want us to forgive you”

Gavin sat for aSlade’s words hit hiiveness He’d held the pain in for so long The thought of releasing it terrified him He’d hidden behind it, used it as barrier to keep hiain He’d used it to push people away

Like Hannah

He hadn’t loved Nikki He’d had so but contempt at the end That hadn’t seemed abnormal to Gavin He’d watched his mother and father’s utterly loveless relationship and decided he was incapable of true devotion He’d held onto that lie until now, even in the face of his feelings for Hannah

Fuck He wasn’t afraid of what he would do to Hannah He was scared of what he felt for her—and how vulnerable that would make him

She could die or walk away Hannah could love his brothers more than she would ever love him Any of those scenarios would demolish him

“You’re right Forgiveness is scary Your loathing would have been easier And now I’ve fucked up again” Gavin let his head fall to his hands

Regret, deep and cutting, sliced through him He’d allowed his own fear to push Hannah away She’d offered hi he could have hoped for, and he’d acted like an animal

“Because you pushed Hannah aith insults?” Slade clapped him on the shoulder

“You’re hus most of the ti past tiive yourself There’s a woain because you’re scared Do you have any idea how precious she is? She has a heart big enough for all of us”

Gavin shook his head “Not for ive me

Neither will you”

Dex’s face got hard and unrelenting “What happened with Hannah?” Thisthem about Nikki “Hannah found me shortly after I’d talked to the attorney I had been drinking for a while—hard” Slade slapped at the bottle “Obviously”

“Did you hurt her?” Dex demanded

Filled with shaht really sever his relationship with his brothers He had only started to understand that he wasn’t responsible entirely for what had happened with Nikki He couldn’t say the sa of Hannah

He hadn’t known until this moment how ht all be gone But he owed them the truth

“I didn’t hurt her physically,” Gavin choked “But I tore her heart apart”

“Spit it out,” Slade insisted

“I was trying to push her away I thought it would be easier on everyone if she hated me”

“The way you’ve been hating yourself?” Slade asked pointedly

God, put that way, his behavior sounded pathetic “I love her I couldn’t stand the thought that she would find out what I had done and look at me like I was a monster” Slade’s eyes rolled “You don’t know her at all She would have hugged you and told you to forgive yourself She would have understood”

“He knew that, deep down But like you said, he wasn’t ready to forgive himself Now…” Dex loomed over him “Tell me what you said to her”

In that ured out why this relationship with Hannah had a chance They would keep each other in line When one of theht They would all be there for Hannah and each other They would be a family

If he could find the courage to be a part of it

“I called her graceless and classless I told her that she wasn’t good enough to be my wife” Gavin had been prepared for the fist that flew his way He wasn’t prepared for just how hard his youngest brother hit Gavin’s head flew back, the pain in his jaelcome wake up call