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Chapter One

~Adrian~

I didn’t sleep for shit last night Not that I ever really sleep that well, but last night was particularly bad About 1:00 ah, loud-ass people in one Wanted quiet, normal, but instead I’d s to bed before locking myself in my room

The party went on without me because that’s what people do It’s not that they really need me to have fun I just have the house, shitty as it is, and everyone thinks I’ood tiood time One look at me shows I’m stoned half the time Weed? It clouds out the past Parties drown out the stuff in hts? I deserved to hear that shit, since I’ht Got blazed out of my head but kept myself awake so I could think about today

Around six this , I jumped in my car like I have every January 12 for the past four years and droveho passion When you spend your childhood getting beat by your dad, all you want to do is escape where you came from I wouldn’t have coure it’s the least I can do

Not that el, will ever know I came

After all this time, I wonder if she’d want me here If I were her, I wouldn’t

Shaking my thermos, I realize I don’t have any er side floor and lean back in the seat Four hours is a long-ass ti out and her seeingI ran out of coffee; otherwise I’d have to piss again

Looking across the street, I see all the headstones Most of them are laid flat, so I can’t see thes to Ashton It’s under the big tree He would have liked that I bet he would have wanted me to lift him up and put hiht it was cool to ride on h like it was fucking Disneyland or so

Pain grabs hold of me, threatens to pull me under, and for the millionth time I wonder why I don’t let it It would be soaround in the masks I do now

“Fuck” I drop h my dark hair Feel ht up See to smoke weed at a cemetery, especially under the circumstances

I hate the drugs anyway You wouldn’t know it, though No one does Adrian’s always down to sood for it That’s what everyone thinks, but really I just want to be swept away To ride a tide or the wind or whatever the fuck will takeI can find Sometimes it works; most of the time it doesn’t

I’nition, to push down on the gas pedal and get the hell out of here Not that I ever went real far I only live four hours away in Brenton because I couldn’t make myself leave the state But I can’t live in Rockville anymore I don’t want to see this Don’t want to be here I wish I could wake up and find out this has all been so back in ti to deal with shit from my parents

Leaning forward, I push the useless thermos out of the way and reach for The Count of Monte Cristo, which is shoved under the seat The cover’s all old and ripped The spine’s cracked so much from how many times I’ve read it It’ll probably fall apart any day now

The thing is, I’ve always respected Edht despite it He didn’t fold He pushed through and worked his ass off to beco Not me I just can’t seem to make myself overcome the past

There’s nothing to do but deal with it And irl

I need to turn off hts

Even though I can’t stand hats, I grab the one from beside me, push it low on my head, open my book, and read Maybe Edmond can help me clear my head

Hours later, when I see et out of the car When sorabs her hand, I don’t knoho he is and yet, I don’t bother finding out They hug and I don’t walk over and do the sa so session over the two-year-old boy who died too soon

Nope This is real life Not like all the stupid fucking books I read or the movies people watch or the reality shows that couldn’t be farther away from reality

Withoutan inch, I watch her Watch as she sets flowers on Ashton’s grave As the guy pulls her into a hug As they kneel on the ground, probably talking to him in a way I’ll never have the balls to do

The guy says soets up and walks away I duck lower inattention to me He heads back to a little car and waits

Angel’s hands go to her face and I know she’s crying in the the loss of Ash, the boy she loved so much The boy she took care of better than any uy away because she’s like me and needs to handle shit on her own Only unlike me, she’ll never run

She cries out there for probably thirtyIt’s hard to breathe and I want to turn away, but I don’t I deserve to feel this way and deserve to see this

A fist squeezes tighter and tighter around my heart My face is wet, but I don’t bother to wipe away the tears, either Realcry That’s what Dad always said before he hit me in a series of body shots, until I couldn’t stopjust what he said I shouldn’t do

Then he’d beatweak

Angel’s shoulders are shaking I can tell from this far away

I’m not an idiot Never have been I knoouldn’ther To hold her and tell her it’ll be okay, but I still won’t do it What right do I have to try and console her when I’?

When I’m the one who let Ash die?

So I sit here and watch her, just so I’ll never forget the pain I caused

Chapter Two

~Delaney~

I’m yanked out of a deep sleep by the sound of my cell My rooht My heart i off rounds to the speed of a un