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It had also been the first and only tiotten drunk

For soht that Sebastian even remembered that

“I know you don’t drink more than a couple of ht, I knew you couldn’t have been drunk,” he said

“So” I wet my lips, stunned “So you suspected this whole entire tiot in that car anyway?”

Sebastian nodded “I didn’t know if you really remembered the accident or not You said you didn’t, and since you wouldn’t talk about it, I figured you didn’t have solid h? Hell”

I was thunderstruck

His gaze held otten in the car”

“What?” My entire body jolted, and I started to stand, but my knees eak

“I probably would’ve done the sa,” he said “Shit I knoould’ve I would’ve taken Cody for his word, and I would’ve gotten in the car just like you did I don’t even know if I would’ve thought about it as much as you had”

“No You wouldn’t have Sebastian, you would’ve stopped him You—”

“I’d been drinking that night and had been planning to drive you ho back in his chair “I told you that before I could’ve been Cody I know I could’ve been Drink a couple of beers, think I was fine and then get behind a wheel I cannot even count how many times I’ve done that”

I started to say it wasn’t the sa, but it was, and I didn’t knohat to say or do I was expecting him to be furious and disappointed in s, and neither did his words or actions

He got up, walked over to the bed and sat next toHe didn’t need to at that moment

I realized as he stared at me that he really had known the truth this entire time He’d known I could’ve done better, I should’ve, but he also had been honest with himself He knew he’d been in that situation hiotten lucky He’d never had to pay the consequences for those decisions

It didn’t make what he’d done okay

It didn’t make what I’d done okay

But he wasn’t judging ed me This whole entire time I’d been so afraid of what he would think of me, and he already knew He knew and was still there for me He knew and still said he loved me

My shoulders lowered centiusted or dis—”

“Stop I could never think those things, Lena Not about you”

A wave of relief rose, tinged with a deep sorrow that started loosening its razor-sharp claws My voice was thick when I spoke “But how? I’usted with myself I h-hate myself”

“You made a mistake, Lena” He leaned in closer “That hat happened You didn’t kill them You made a mistake”

A mistake that cost people their lives

I shuddered, liftingo away, because I was tired of crying

“Lena,” he said, voice low and rough “Come here”

Sebastian extended his hand

I wasMy hand folded into his, and when he hauled me into his lap, knees on either side of his hips, my arms went around his waist

He clasped the sides ofa word, he kissed my cheek once and then twice, and he kissed away each tear that fell, and a heartbeat passed

I broke Ripped right open

He made a sound in the back of his throat and then pulledthe front of his shirt within seconds His arht, held uys, for Abbi and Dary, and for myself

We lay side by side in bed, our faces separated by only a few inches It was late, well past h, but neither of us were sleeping We had whispered to one another after the tears had subsided I told hihed on o back to that night and htmares and how my mom knew the truth, how disappointed I knew she really was but wasn’t saying I ad I hadn’t quit volleyball I told him how I talked to Keith today and what I realized I even told him about Abbi