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I closedmy throat burn

“In class today, soht was I couldn’t wait to tell Phillip That he’d get a kick out of the joke Then I remembered I couldn’t tell him,” Sebastian said “I walked into the lunchroo for you”

I didn’t knohat to say

“I htly into mine “I miss you”

Opening h”

“Are you really?”

I blinked “Yeah”

Sebastian was quiet for a long ood to talk about therief counselors have been saying”

Talking about Megan and the guys hurt like a gunshot blast to the chest, so I couldn’t iood

When I didn’t answer, he asked the same question Abbi had: “Do you remember the accident?”

I gave the sairls “Only bits and pieces”

He nodded slowly “Do you Do you knohy you left with the to me?”

A sixth sense toldI’d been super avoiding I wasn’t sure how to answer that question The reasoning now see “I don’t know” and exhausted with telling half truths and lies “You ith Skylar and II just didn’t want to bother you” When I peeked over at hi about “I didn’t see you after she showed up I didn’t want to couys wantedprivate ti”

An emotion I couldn’t quite decipher flickered on his face, and he turned his head Ahis fingers through his hair His fingers scrunched “I don’t knohy you think Skylar and I needed private tiht you were just having fun”

Under the covers, I crossed my ankles “Okay”

“No Seriously” He dropped his hand and his hair flopped back onto his forehead “Skylar wanted to talk to ether I spent that entire tiether wasn’t going to happen She was really upset Crying and everything”

Surprise shot through me “You’re not back with Skylar?”

“No” He laughed “When we broke up in the spring, it was over Done Not going back there Nothing against her, I still care about her, but that’s just not going to happen”

There was the part of le word he’d just said Everything he had been saying That old part ofthe truth or downplaying as happening so he didn’t hurt s

The new part of me didn’t do that now

Sebastian had no reason to lie about this

“When I was talking to her, I got a text an” This time, he scrubbed his hand over his jaw “So the party had seen the accident, recognized Chris’s SUV and came back to the party, since the road was blocked That’s when I knew so you”

The missed calls and texts sat unread and unchecked on my phone

He exhaled roughly Several heartbeats passed “How are you really doing?”

That sihup a tiny crack “I don’t want to go to school next week,” I whispered “I don’t know if I can see everyone when I’m”

“When you’re what?”

When I’m responsible for my friends’ deaths

Thinking those words caused my heart to juo back to school And I wasn’t ready to talk about the agony and the pain, and all the guilt I wasn’t ready to put those messy, bitter emotions to words I didn’t kno to admit to my friends that I loved, to the boy that I’d been in love with all this time, that I could’ve stopped what had happened That I could’ve done better

“All right,” he said “We don’t have to talk anymore”