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My head shot up in surprise at her words I knew ra to Nan, but I’d never heard the story of why that was It had always just been truth, and I’d never had reason to question it

“I’ you thisWell, I just want you to have the facts, alright?”

“I’o,” Vera said suddenly “Can’t take no more trips down memory lane”

She walked over and cupped my cheeks like she’d done when I was little, then kissed my forehead tenderly “I love you, kiddo”

“Love you, too”

Nan was silent for a few an to speak

“I was raped It was brutal and deht I knew about the world and my place in it,” she said flatly, her eyes steady on mine “My rapist is the one who ers, that happened when I was a kid”

She raised her hand, gnarled and twisted with arthritis, the pinky and ring fingerfrom the second knuckle

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered in horror

“That was how Nix was conceived”

I felt roide as I inhaled sharply, but I couldn’t stop my reaction I’d never known No one had ever said a word to me

My eyes sla aboutlike ht his dad e, and the implications of that were not lost onher hands

“Bellatrix, I’ you this so that you feel sorry for s Okay, baby?”

I nodded, et any words out

“I’ you because I kno it feels to have a baby inside you that you don’t want I kno scared you are But I want you to know,” she reached out and gripped my hand hard, “you can do this You can be a parent, even if you weren’t prepared Even if the thought scares you shitless Even if this wasn’t in your plans Even if you think that having the baby ht possibly break you into so ain” Her voice had gone raspy, and I knew the last sentence didn’t apply to me, but to her “You will never understand the type of love you’ll have for your child until you’re a parent It’s all enco you’ll ever do It’s your decision whether you’re ready for that or not”

“I don’t think I can,” I whispered back, a heavy weight settling in my belly