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I al to say before she said it, dreaded it even “That girl, Jenny, let’s see if she’s available”

“Why would she be? Half the neighborhood is going to be there at the party, and she’s like the resident babysitter, wouldn’t soht?”

With that wild look in her eyes, she looked through her phone for the nuotten rid of I listened with bated breath to her side of the conversation andvoice as she thanked the young girl

I felt sout I don’t knohy exactly, it’s not like I’d done anything wrong But still I felt guilt Guilt because somewhere in the last feeeks I re if we’d everher no

But uilt stems more from the fact that I did not tell her that I did in fact reirl had on me as a child But I didn’t say a word For days I wondered about that, why didn’t I just tell Lauren about that innocent time?

Had Jenny beenthan beautiful swan, the decision would’ve been an easy one, no threat, nothing to worry about But she isn’t, she’s gorgeous, shbors tell it, damn near ready for sainthood

So why didn’t she tellroom for almost an hour with that look on her face? And why didn’t I just tell my wife that I remembered who she was?

Jenny

I hung up the phone with Mrs Masters and went in search ofthe party at the country club after all She didn’t make much of a fuss since I never really wanted to attend in the first place The country club is just not ; parties period come to think of it

Back in my room, I replayed the conversation in my head, especially the part where Lauren said she was happy she hadn’t taken her husband’s advice and not called because he was sure I was already booked for the night

As it happens, the reason I wasn’t booked is because I was supposed to be going to the party, so all the families I sat for ould be in attendance already knew beforehand and had ements

I didn’t think of the danger of wading back into those murky waters before I had fully decided which of those roads I was going to take I was going purely on feeling, on that age-old hu my oants in front of others’

By calling ht her jealousy had closed It was like opening just a sht co, but I knew there was soh with him or me yet

I did not outwardly showinside, the unbridled excite to see his I’d told rated like wet ash

The sun came out from behind the clouds, and a joy that I had not known had been ain I had to tes They were all now part of my little experiment, whether they knew it or not

Like bugs under a microscope, I atch how everyone reacts in this new phase of this ongoing saga that started when I was eight years old I wonder if it’s froottenothers like rats in a lab

I had moments where I questioned my sanity when I asked o Why, after all these years, I still feel this attachether, Derrick and I?

In those moments, I am very clear about the facts The fact that he’s a happily irls The fact that I am not a homewrecker and have no want to be I feel at those ti with fire, like a moth to a flame I am still drawn to him, to his life