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But yeah, I know that look and that fast footwork backtracking thing she’d done I tried not to let it sting, just as I’d held my breath to keep the nausea at bay when she kissed hi at that point to realize that I was still stupid crazy about him

He’s been , and even when I tellAll it takes is the ht or sound that reminds me of him in any way, and I’m reminded once more that I’m really not over him

It’s one of the reasons I’d chosen my field of study I’ve alondered about the intensity of e An age when irls find boys repulsive and imbecilic I wonder evenafter they should’ve naturally been gone

I pulled hts away from him as I opened the door to ht, and the servants were in their private quarters in a separate part of the house, which meant I had the whole place to myself

Still, I wandered up to et hts away from him, after all I crumpled to the floor as soon as it was closed behindwith dry sobs as I hyperventilated I cried about ten years’ worth of tears

I cried for the loss of that innocent love for the girl who’d lost her heart before she ever knehat it was for I cried for the unfairness of the life I’ll have to live from now on because I know as sure as I know my name, that I will never love anyone the way I love Derrick Masters

So for the rest ofthat he’s second-best whoever he is That he will never make me happy; never own all of my heart My beautiful life, the life un So yeah, I wanna reach other little girls before they get lost like I have

Jenny

Life went on as usual I walked, talked, even s on inside ofin the days and weeks after that encounter I kept notes ofbrutally honest and not hiding anything of the truth as es

I didn’t risk putting this in my electronic diary I had more trust in the old-fashioned code locked diaries This one looked like any old novel that you’d buy in a bookstore and on a topic that no one would have enough interest in to go snooping Biochemistry is no one’s favorite topic

No one of note asked about the interview, just a few of the housewives that had recommended my name and services To those who asked, I played it off very well I had lots of work co up in the next feeeks, and two babies to handle on top of es were a bit much

Those who knew ht as this did not sound likeI did everything in my power not to pass by the Masters’s o out of my way just to sneak a peek The place held h I’d never been inside before that day of the interview

Thankfully no one I knew see I found preposterous, seeing as I was bleeding right in front of them because of it Because the recipient of it had moved back to toith his perfect wife and their perfect twin daughters

I tried not to hate her, this woman who did not know me and did not kno her very existence had trampled my heart And Iin my mind not even when he looked into my eyes and didn’t know me

Those eyes that had followed him, that had held all I felt for him each time I looked at hi sosuch a pivotal part in another’s life, when they had no idea that that person even existed

He’d gone on with his life and was happy I envied that happiness I envied their love… “What’s the e all week” I looked up fro in the doorway of my room