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“I know, I know It would be a lot easier though” Eliot heaved hio yell at a god If nothing else I want to hear Him admit it I want Him to say it to my face”
“I’ot up too
“Somebody should stay here with Alice,” Quentin said
“So and inexperienced in the field,” Eliot said
“No” Plu the Blue Meanie”
“Maybe Alice will come with us Maybe she can help Alice!” Quentin shouted up the stairs No answer “I’ll go talk to her”
“Good luck with that”
“Give me an hour”
“I can help!” the bird said
Quentin’s reflexes were good, but it still only worked because he had the eleht the bird around the neck Ignoring its hysterical thrashing, he walked over to a , opened it, and threw the blackbird out
—
Alice lay on her back on the bed with her eyes open She heard the sounds of the house below her—walking, talking, shouting, sla She felt like a ure carved on a tomb, her own tomb This body was her coffin She breathed shallowly; even that was an imposition she could barely tolerate
She would not indulge this body She didn’t owe it anything She wanted to feel it as little as possible
Clu up the stairs The door opened
“Alice”
It was Quentin, of course She didn’t turn her head She heard the scrape of a stool as he pulled it over and sat down She couldn’t stop him
“Alice We’re going to go to the Neitherlands We have a theory about whatto try to find Ember and talk to Him”
“OK” She felt her tongue, the worhtly kiss the roof of her mouth to make the K
She didn’t feel angry anyer, all that talking Soone, a storreat peace A flat strand swept smooth by the violence of the waves, dotted with sea wrack churned up from the depths She just didn’t care
“I don’t want to leave you here I’d like you to come with us I think you could help”
Very slightly, she shook her head She closed her eyes Soain The whiskey helped—it was better when she was drunk And it gave her pleasure to poison this body
“I don’t think so”
Seven years ago he’d watched as sheyears her human self had slept, and she had roae and power The dream was over now, Quentin had ended it, he’d woken her up and forced her back into her body But he couldn’t force her soul, her self Did he actually hate her? That o and yesterday
She wondered if she could burn again Maybe she was like a spent match, to be struck only once, but she didn’t think so It would take tiet ready, to relearn the skills, but soon She didn’tshe did now, and everything she thought Suicide was her ho else, then suicide would always have her
And if it did work they would never catch her again Never again
“I’ers; she left hers limp It was the first time anyone had touched her since she’d coet through this It’s not as bad as you think I’ to try to help you But you have to try too”
“No,” she whispered “I don’t”
So happened in the silence that followed Her eyes opened again So in the air, co soic
“What is that?” she said
“What?”
“That smell”
“You knohat it is,” Quentin said “Think”
For an instant she lowered her guard, and forgot to fight, and in that instant her body sat up and inhaled Neurons were firing in her brain that hadn’t fired for seven years After eons of disuse,uncovered, dusty drop cloths yanked back Mental ere being thrown open to let in the hot sun
“Bacon,” she said
He had a tray with him Now he picked up a plate and held it in front of her It was good bacon, quarter-inch-thick strips, and it had warped and bubbled as he fried it; he’d let one end of it char a little because he knew she liked it burned Had liked it
Well, he’d done so with his seven years He didn’t used to be able to cook worth a damn
She was tired, and she was famished—she wasn’t, her ry, this doll made of meat It eak, and it reached out and picked up the food and put it in her mouth Theunbelievable, salty and fatty and sreasy hands on the sheets It revolted her, she revolted herself, but there was soto reject her body like a bad organ transplant but she could feel herself trapped in its sticky e to beco it He was on its side
“I hope,” she said, “that you don’t think you’re going to keep me here with bacon”
“Not just bacon”
He handed her a plate with fresh slices of e, like little arcs carved off a tiny sweet sun She fell on them like an animal She was an animal
No, she was not She was pure and beautiful and blue
“Why did you do it?” she asked with her mouth full “Why did you do this to me?”
“Because this is who you are Because you’re human You’re a person, you’re not a demon”
“Prove it”
“I a it”
She looked at him, really looked for the first time since she’d been back He had a narrow, sye nose and an expressive, too-wideone of those pretty-boy personalities, but objectively he’d always been handsome And he still was
But he was different now too He didn’t stutter or duck her gaze the way he used to He was right, he had changed
“You could’ve got oysters,” she said
“You hate oysters”