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She trailed off when she looked at his expression At his eyes So detached Unfocused He wasn’t even looking at her

“Ferro, don’t do this,” she said

“Don’t do what, Julia?”

“You knohat you’re doing, don’t pretend You’re trying to put distance between us, that’s what all of this has been about All of tonight”

“I don’t have to try to put distance between us That’s all there has ever been between us Our bodies have been close, we have not been”

“That’s not true It’s not”

“It is I’m sorry if that’s a hard truth for you, Julia, but it is”

“You are such a coward!” she said, screa Couldn’t believe that he was standing there in slacks and a button up shirt, perfectly pressed still, ready to walk out the door like nothing had happened, while she was naked and rumpled and completely altered by what had happened between them

“A coward, Julia? Is that what you think? You attribute far too much emotion to me, cara mia”

“You hide so well, Ferro, you even e to hide from yourself But you can’t hide from me I know you”

“You think you know me because I told you soether?”

“No, I think I know you because I understand how those things made you feel I understand that you don’t feel all blasé and whatever about your past I know that it hurts I know you won’t let yourself move on because you feel dirty Because you’re so scared Of what, I don’t know But you cling to your past like you need it to protect you To remind you”

“Look at you pretending you have it all figured out You’re hiding, too, Julia”

“I was You’re right But…I’ to now I can’t noas so afraid to ever trust How could I trust anyone? Ever How could I shoas vulnerable? Look what happened to me when I tried My mother, my own mother, chose a date for me who tried to rape me Of course I had trouble with it Of course I hid But you reat it was to just co I have, everything I aiven ourselves Who cares what anyone else thinks? Who cares about the past? We have a present We have a future, why should the past get all the play?”

“You don’t love ot introduced to sex and thinks an orgass”

The barb hit itsoutward Again, she’d shown herself, all of herself, to soain she had been rejected

“You don’t get to tellher forward rather than letting her hide “I love you”

“Dammit, woman, where is your sense of self-preservation? You were better off with your ar off all your eainst you Do you kno easily crushed you are?”

Julia sucked in a breath “Doesso she pressed on “I’m sorry my passion and enthusiasm and human emotion make you uncomfortable, Ferro I am” She paused, focused on what she felt, on all the eh her And she realized how , in order to please others She was done with that Starting now

“No, you knohat? I’ eek And I laugh too loud, because when I think soame or a movie, I really like it Like, dress up in costume like it I will never fit in I will never be nor With all of me Ferro, I love you If that bothers you, fine But I’ to subli to shout it, and feel it, breathe it, live it, and no one is going to tellYeah, I’ I love you I’m not sorry So it’s your move now You have to tell me no if that’s what you want, but you can’t pretend that I don’t knowto reject ”