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“Our daughter’s beautiful, Bree You would love her She’s just like you Froet her oay”

He felt a reluctant sain “Especially the latter,” he added

“I’ve let you both down, though I’ve been so wrapped in er at you, at the whole daain that I failed Ruby as a father But you should know that she’s fine She’s wonderful Catherine’s done a great job with her so far, and Alexis Certainly a far better job than me

“I felt so bad when Alexis arrived She awakened soain That I’d proain” His voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him “But you sent her to me, didn’t you? And me, the fool that I am, I sent her away

“She tried, Bree, she tried to break ain, but the anger and the fear held me back”

He dragged in another breath and let it go, noticing as he did so that his heart began to feel lighter The darkness that had held hi and with it ca to risk everything for hiether, coht he’d known love, understood it, but he’d known and understood nothing at all Soe to risk everything, to love absolutely, all over again

“I’h, Bree, and I’ry with you for all this time—especially because I let it rob so hter,” he said roughly, bowing his head and closing his eyes “Thank you for the all-too-few years you and I had together I will always love you and you will always have a special piece of my heart”

He got to his feet again, his movements stiff, and paused a moment to reflect on the worave and, he hoped, toward his future

Sixteen

You’re doing the right thing

The ently encouraging to Raoul as his car ate up the kilometers Oh, of course he still had doubts All he knew for sure was that he had to find out There was so from his life More particularly, so after Alexis, her first co she’d given hi, on Jenny’s day off, that had given hi as right

For so long he’d done the wrong thing, so long it had becoht to have done all along It didn’t negate the seriousness of how he’d treated Alexis, or how he’d sue to face her as she’d left, instead hiding in his work as he’d hidden fros he could quantify and control, knowns versus unknowns

But he was diving into the unkno, in a headlong free fall She orth the risk

As he left Christchurch and drove north, cruising through Kaiapoi and Rangiora and then further afield to Kaikoura he wondered what the hell he’d been thinking to send Alexis on this journey on her own He hadn’t been thinking, though, that was the problem Certainly not about anyone but his selfish and self-centered self

That was all going to change If Alexis let him

As he passed through Kaikoura he realized he had about an hour and a half to his destination Logically he knew he should take a break but now that he was on the road, nearing Alexis with every revolution of his tires, he couldn’t bring himself to stop

He wondered how Ruby was doing She’d been distraught when he’d left, al for him from her perch in Catherine’s arms He’d had to pull over after ten minutes on the road and call Catherine to make sure she was okay—which, of course, she was

On the phone Catherine had assured him it was perfectly normal behavior for a one-year-old, in fact for any child as attached to their parent, and that he should take heart from the fact that Ruby so obviously loved hiuilt he bore for putting his daughter through such a harrowing scene It s Alexis had said to hi to be a constant in Ruby’s life Well, she had that now, but he owed it to her to give her more With any luck, after this journey, she’d have what she deserved A father and a mother—and a brother or sister soon, too