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Tenderly, I lay his head on the sheet Then I pick up his body In death he is runt to lift him Once he is in my arms it is easier and I lay it next to his poor head so that both halves of him are joined

Then I lay down beside hiain as I hug his cold, hard body The guilt is terrible I wasn’t here to protect hiood time I should have been here If I had only left hiht no, he ht bark when I call or make a noise and wake Papa

So I didn’t leave him in her room

He must have had a premonition No wonder he whimpered and cried when I left And I still left I close ret

I kiss the top of his head I kiss his closed eyelids, and I hold his elegant bloodied, little paws The pads used to feel soft and warh, and cold When his nose touches my lips it is dry and not ith life

I sit up and look down on him It doesn’t feel real It can’t be real My ei I cover his reo to open a

Freshair rushes in

I think of Sergei running free in the park I think of Sergei lickingunder the bed when he heard thunder and how I had picked hi him to theto show him that it was just a stor Not even anger at my father

I think ofsaid Sergei always hated him

I sit in my room hunched, confused, and immobilized with shock and horror, until I hear Baba come up the stairs Then I run to the top of the stairs and she stops mid-step

‘What is it?’ she asks, her hands roa my bloodied clothes and hands

‘Sergei is dead,’ I say

Her reaction is instant and shocking She goes white and her knees buckle so that she has to tighten her hold on the banister to stop herself fro She closes her eyes in pain I run down the steps to where she is and take her hand

‘It’s okay, Baba It’s okay,’ I tell her, even though I want to lay my head on her chest and bawl my eyes out

She catches my hand ‘How?’

I shake my head