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‘No I was very, very careful I told no one Not Mama, not even you’

She sighs sadly ‘Do you know ss, but because they were too expensive for the ordinary person, somebody had the idea to boil up locally available apples, quinces, pluar syrup? Ss You don’t need to ’

I stare into her eyes and whisper, ‘That was the real thing, Baba That was the real thing What I will have after him will be the substitute’

Her eyes widen and she gasps ‘Who is this man?’

‘You wouldn’t know him’

Her eyes narrow This is when she looks closest to Papa ‘But my son does?’

I nod

She draws her breath sharply ‘This man, will he tell, boast to anyone about you?’

I shake my head ‘He’s not a kid He understands it could cost his life’

‘And he will not try to make trouble?’

I shake ain

‘Will you see hiain?’

‘No,’ I say and it is a wretched sound I can see that it startles my Baba ‘It was just the once,’ I say s taste like’

‘Oh, Solnyshko, you don’t knohat you have done’

‘I have done nothing It was just this once I did it forLent and just this once I indulged’

‘You think you have had one taste of carnal pleasure and now you can walk away and never look back? You have only awakened the demon of desire’

We are both staring at each other when the door to the kitchen suddenly opens Both of us ju at the doorway He is still dressed in the clothes he went out in last night My father is a balding, short, barrel-shaped man If you saw him in the street you wouldn’t even notice him, but if ever you chanced to look into his black eyes you would shudder with so into the eyes of an insect Not evil Just soulless This man could kill a man with the same emotion hich he sneezes or takes a piss