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I stood still while he helped me into it He lifted my hair out of the collar and zipped me up as if I was a child Then he stepped away from me and let his hands drop to his sides

‘So it’s goodbye,’ I said, wanting desperately to prolong those last moments

He didn’t answer Just nodded and opened the door, his hand clutching the handle so hard his knuckles shone white I didn’t want to go, but s moved and I walked over the threshold, down the steps, and straight into the cab I smiled automatically at the man called Sam as he shut the door

As he got into the driver’s seat I turned my head and looked at Noah His tall frame filled the doorway, still, dark and mysterious I lifted an to move and I wanted to screa

But I didn’t

I just sat in the cab, numb and silent, until ere nearly at my house That’s when my sense of self-preservation kicked in and I leaned forward and told Sam to drop me off a block before my house

‘Just there, by that post box would be great’

That’s how I co Noah’s jacket A cold October wind ruffles my hair as I take the first step towards the place I call hos work I take another step and another step With every stepitself I did what I wanted to, and it was the most beautiful fantasy I could have dreaain

When I a myself to throw it away I roll it up into a ball and walk a bit further down the road My hands are itching to throw it away If I get caught … there will be hell to pay for not just me, but Noah too, butI will ever have of him

As I get to arden and stuff the jacket in the blue recycling containers left outside It must be collection day I know the trucks don’t co I’ll either come back in a couple of hours and retrieve it, or I’ll just call Lina and ask her to keep it for me until later

When I get closer to the house I take out h it is five-thirty in theand sounds co to do her prayers She prays for hours for my father’s soul