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‘Is there a reason why not?’

Her ry, tearstained Ruby was sitting beside her on a park bench as a little girl, putting her hand on her s, like hers She jerked away, stood up

‘Are you OK, Mummy?’

‘No, Ruby—I’m not I’m not OK I hate this life! It’s so unfair’

She’d never said what fair would be, but Ruby kneasn’t this She’d never smiled when it was just them But she’d been happy when soh and sparkle And then she would like it when Ruby would dance

‘Come and dance for us, Ruby’

They’d all smile and everyone would be happy, and the coldness and fear would slide away because Mummy liked it that she could do this for them Mummy loved her then

And that was all she’d wanted—to see her mother smile, to o, and they’d be left alone again That aching, empty sadness would fall around them

She’d lie in her bedroo that Mu that she wouldn’t leave her alone again The house was so dark, so quiet, so e, hear the fear creeping through her, hear every single sound in the house

The ping of the kettle was good, and the striking of aturned off and Mummy’s feet on the stairs But sometimes she’d hear other sounds—the slide of the cupboard door, the rustle of a raincoat, the drag of keys along the shelf, the pause, the whoosh of the world outside, the silent click

No, she couldn’t have a baby because she couldn’t have that world again She couldn’t look after a baby and give it everything it needed She couldn’t cause that pain She could only keep her own pain at bay by dancing and rehearsing over and over and over She couldn’t be responsible for another living soul

‘I understand it’s a shock There’s help available I wasn’t sure if you knew already I can arrange for someone from the ballet company to speak to you—your mentor? Or there are services here Is there no one close at hand? The father?’

The father Matteo Rossini What on earth had she been thinking? His face His s stream of women