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Under cover of the roo in her own voice Why, when she despised herself so , couldn't she stop herself? Was she destined always to have relationships that resulted in her feeling insecure?
'Nothings wrong' Marco told her There was a note in his voice thatshe was trying to do not to let that happen The trouble was that once you started lying to yourself on an almost hourly, never mind daily, basis about the reality of your relationship, once you started pretending not to notice or care about being the lesser' partner, about not being valued or respected enough, you entered a place where the strongest incentive was not to seek out the truth but rather to hide from it But she had no one but herself to blame for her current situation, she reminded herself
She had known right from the start what kind of man Marco was and the type of relationship he wanted with her The probleenda rather better than she had understood her own Although she tried not to do so so at her lowest—ti in to the te about how Marco could be different: he would not be so fabulously wealthy or arrogantly sexy that he could have any woman he wanted, but instead he'd be just an ordinary e, a wifeHer heart kicked heavily, turning over in a slow grind of pain She thought of children—theirs—and it turned over again, the pain growing more intense
Why had she been such a fool and fallen in love with Marco? He had made it plain froive her back in return, and love had never been part of the deal But then, way back when, she had never i, she had wanted Marco sowith a purely sexual relationship, for as long as he wanted her
No she had no one but herself to bla to endure, the deceit she was having to practise and the fear that haunted her: one day soon Marco would sense that deceit and leave her She loathed herself so uts to acknowledge her love or take the consequences of walking away fro pain But who knew? Maybe walking away from Marco would have a phoenix-like effect on her and allow her to find freedom as a new person
She was such a coward, though, that she couldn't take that step Hadn't someone once said that a brave man died only once but a coward died a thousand tiht to leave and deal with her feelings, but instead she stayed and suffered a thousand hurtful recognitions every day of Marcos lack of love for her
But he desired her and she couldn't bring herself to give up the fragile hope that e, and one day he would look at her and know that he loved her that one day he would allow her to access that part of hiuarded with such ferocity and tell her that he wanted theether for ever
CHAPTER TWO
THAT was Emily’s drearowing further apart rather than closer Shed told herself yesterdayshe would face her fear She took a deep breath
‘Marco I've always been open andand honest with you’ It was no good, she couldn't do it She couldn't make herself ask him that all-important question: Do you want to end our relationship?' And besides, she hadn't always been honest with him had she? She hadn't told him for instance, that she had fallen in love with hiave another painful lurch
Marco atching her, his head inclined towards her He wore his thick dark hair cut short, but not so short that she couldn't run her fingers through it shaping the hard bone beneath it as she held hiht for her to see the gleahts had taken and kne ly direct look she'd ever known He'd focused it on her the night they'dto reason and rationality, instead of letting herself be blatantly seduced by a pair of tawny-brown predators eyes
Emily knew she should e she could sense in Marco, but her childhood made it difficult for her to talk openly about her emotions Instead she hid them away behind locked doors of calm control and self-possession Was it because she was afraid of what et out of control? Because she was afraid of bringing the truth out into the open? Soed: he had become withdrawn and preoccupied There was no way she could pretend otherwise Had he grown tired of her? Did he want to end their relationship? Wouldn't it be better, wiser, ed hinored her fears they would simply disappear?