page62 (1/1)
Sadly, the bond between us is strong by blood but weak by missed opportunities I haven’t even told h I will Maybe I’ll even fly to Florida to visit them soon
A sudden yearning for my mom hits me from nowhere A desire deep within me to just sit with my mom on a couch, put my head on her shoulder, and spill allI’ve ever really yearned for, but I’d give anything for so now
“Estelle,” I say impulsively as I turn to look at her fully “I’d actually like to talk to you about so”
“Anything, honey,” she says war to drink and sit down”
I nod iven this opportunity
“Bodie… Geo,” Estelle calls out They turn to look at us, eyes aloing to go back up to the pavilion to get so to drink Kick our feet up and relax a bit”
Geo nods absently, turning back to the game booth to pick up a dart But Bodie’s eyes beco to discern if I’ive him a smile, and he relaxes
Nodding, he says, “Okay You two have fun We’ll catch up to you later”
Estelle chatters about little things on the way to the pavilion, a huge open tent with drinks, vending, and tables to sit at to get out of the hot sun We purchase some bottled waters but rather than sit under the tent, we choose a park bench that fortuitously sits under so rather abandoned and private
Estelle doesn’t waste time The minute we sit down and before I can even uncap my water bottle, she asks, “So what did you want to talk about?”
“Well,” I begin slowly “You said so back there that struck me You offered up your ear as a woman, and it really hit me… I need a woman’s perspective”
“That’s generally a good idea when you’re talking about pregnancy and h
I sreeirlfriends I’ve never had much time to develop friendships of any sort, and because I work in such a male-dominated field, there aren’t many female coworkers I could even bond with Like me, they’re all into the action and career aspects and we’re all so busy, we just don’t hang that ether”
“What about your mom?” she asks
My sic “Yes I actually could talk to her, I believe We’re not super close because I was practically raised in other people’s ho facilities, but yeah… she’s ood advice But, you’re here and she’s not, and I feel like you’d be honest with me”
“Lay it onher arm over the back of the bench to turn more fully towardto my needs
“I’ so involved in its life”
Estelle doesn’t even raise her eyebrows “He hasn’t told me that, but I would think it would be natural to have conflicting feelings and doubts about any decision that involved a baby”
I nod “I wasn’t prepared for this I thought I was solid inIt scared , because when that happened, I was not ready to let this baby go And it’s nothing but a little tiny thing that can’t survive outside ofnohat the hell is going to happen to me when the baby is born? What will I feel when you and Bodie get on that plane and take the baby to Nebraska?”
Estelle doesn’t respond right away, her expression thoughtful She leans towardand assured “I knowyou one way or another He’s always content to let peopleto be like that, because I a to feel e leave for Nebraska Rachel… you’re going to be crushed You’re going to be i to hate yourself for s that happen with a newborn on a daily basis Even if you change your ive yourself forout on just a short seven days”