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“It’s tiain, but this tiht fills my view

Oh shit Is that the light?

The “you just kicked the bucket, and now it’s tiht?

Ah, fuck I knew it! I knew this shit was going to go sideways!

Those daet the chance to yell at theet punished Bruce is way too cheap to hire a lawyer to initiate a medical malpractice lawsuit Plus, there’s probably some fine print in that Groupon that prevents it

“Here’s your phone and your belongings,” the voice says and sets a bag in my lap

As if I need my phone now

I reat service, but I doubt their cellular networks are good enough that I’ram in the afterlife

“He’s going to be here any minute You can just relax your eyes for a bit, okay?”

He? As in God? God is coet me now?

Who would’ve thought He even has the tireet every new arrival?

Consider me impressed

Also, though, slightly panicked too I know He created me, but I would prefer to meet Him when I’ve had time to put on some damn makeup or fix my hair

But the fatigue that apparently comes with death keeps my ass firmly planted in whatever place it currently resides So, I just let my eyes fall closed and wait for God to come pick me up

Surely, he’ll understand that death by Groupon surgery isn’t the easiest to bounce back from

So vibrates ininon the screen

Whose phone is this?

Is this my phone?

Or, like, my heaven-allocated phone?

I inspect it with cluure out it’s mine

Is this like prison? I get one phone call or text ets here?

I shrug and figure it’s worth a shot

It takes a serious effort to see past the light—which, by the way, is even brighter than I i But once I do, I start scrolling through es while a Neil Diamond revival concert starts to filter into my ears

If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was alive andDJ, but like the voice said, God is co and momma is about to head to her final home

When I tap to open the text es from my mom and another one from Evan