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“You know,” she said with a bright sh her, gently eroding the tension that had built in the last fewand took a sip while Agnes and Ron laughed

“What do you think, buddy?” Julia asked her son “Should we stay?

Ben smiled, his face radiant and beloved and threw his arms in the air “Pancake!”

“Sounds unanimous,” Ron said

Julia watched her son clap his hands and she took a big sip of coffee, using both hands so that she wouldn’t do the same

CHAPTER FOUR

JULIA INSISTED on doing the dinner dishes that night and spent a long tireat-grandmother’s china

Her fingers traced the faded vine around the edge of a dinner plate and she tried to i so old So precious There was such a feeling of solidity and permanence in this house that she craved to be a part of

She put Ben to sleep after finishing the dishes and Agnes retired a few hours later, declaring herself pooped But Julia was too awake to go to bed In Germany she’d put Ben in daycare three days a week for two hours because she’d been worried that seeing only her day in, day out would stunt hiarten So while he’d learned to share toys with other kids, Julia had taken long runs to drive out her worry, to banish her fears It seeood tactic to use now

“I ao for a walk,” she told Ron, who read in his easy chair He and Agnes had accepted Julia so quickly, had taken care of her and Ben so readily, that she felt a little blank What am I supposed to do? she wondered She wanted so badly to believe that this comfort and family was real Was hers She could settle in, put her feet up and stop treading water But part of her was still braced—ready for the rejection she still wasn’t entirely convinced wasn’t going to come

“Ben is out like a light,” she said assuring Ron that she wasn’t going to run out and leave him to entertain her toddler